


The Boy Next Door

by Lizzerone



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angry Yoo Kihyun, Broken Yoo Kihyun, Changkyun Has Secrets, Changkyun Lives For Kihyun, Changkyun Wants To Save Kihyun From Himself, Eventual Romance, Grooming, Kihyun Grew Up In An Orphanage, Kihyun Hides Through Anger At First, Kihyun Loves Yellow, Kihyun and His Yellow Umbrella, Kihyun's Friends Don't Know About His Past, M/M, Neighbors, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Read at Your Own Risk, Side Project, Smut Will Be Very Very Light And Loving If I Do, kihyun and minhyuk are best friends, might include smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 01:28:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 38,244
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25316065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizzerone/pseuds/Lizzerone
Summary: Kihyun's lover ends their relationship of three years one night, and Kihyun is forced to survive on his own, his past haunting him through day and night, regret swooping in to take his place. Kihyun had known the man since he was 17, and he never learned how to live for himself, the definition of "love" scratched out of the dictionary and replaced with "him." Changkyun moves in next door, and he will do anything to save Kihyun, to help him discover what he wants to live for, who he is, and the freedom he now has. Changkyun holds secrets himself, and Kihyun takes it day by day, the rain reminding him of his past, but the boy by his side and his yellow umbrella bringing him hope for the future.This story takes place right after Kihyun breaks up with his Ex, and it shows the trauma he goes through when he starts to realize all the stuff he went through was abuse, and how he doesn't know how to handle it on his own. Kihyun suffers through intense emotions of hatred and his mind is often swept away with his thoughts, and I ask readers to read at their own risk, because there will be many triggers in this story that might hurt someone who has gone through similar circumstances.
Relationships: Im Changkyun | I.M/Yoo Kihyun, Lee Minhyuk/Son Hyunwoo | Shownu
Comments: 8
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I have never been through anything like this before, nor am I writing on past experiences. Rape trauma is a serious thing, and my heart goes out to anyone that has ever experienced it, and if you are, I hope you seek help for the abuse that has been done to you. No one should ever have to suffer at the hands of the evil like that.
> 
> So this story is a side project that has been in the works. It will not take place of my main story, which is lighter than this story, and I don't use as much word painting in it. But, this was something that has been on my mind for a while to write, and while I know it might be hard for some to read, I carefully construct each chapter to convey intense emotions, emphasize things like dissociation, and replacing fear with anger, all without pushing the limits too far. The story will be uplifting, and it will be intense, but it also will have many triggers that will show through in the first few chapters. It's very different different to any story I have written so far, so please let me know your thoughts on it, and if you are enjoying the story yourselves.

Kihyun felt his eyebrow twitch in annoyance, his arms crossed in front of his chest, and his foot tapping the floor in succession. He stared at the boy lazily lying on the couch, one foot up and sitting on the back cushions while the other dropped to the floor, and he gritted his teeth, his glare only hardening the more he watched the other in front of him. One more crunch was heard throughout the room, and the other stared up at him with wide, innocent eyes, his cheeks plumped with the chocolatey goodness that bestowed them. Kihyun took a step forward as he dropped his arms to his side, and instead he balled his fists, the other still not caring during the angry acts on display.

“That was mine,” Kihyun gritted out, the words full of poison as he heavily glared at the other.

“Was it? I can’t remember…” the other lazily drawled, and Kihyun scoffed, his gaze falling to the chocolate bar as the other took another bite from it. With each bite Kihyun felt his soul rip apart, and he almost reached forward to take it from the other, his hand stopping short as he shakingly brought it back to his side.

“You had the last three, this one was mine. I bought them, you ate them, at least give me one,” Kihyun tried to argue, but the other only hummed, the chocolate melting in their mouth, and the flavor seducing their taste buds.

“Kihyun, I know you’re trying to make sense, but it’s just not happening,” the other teasingly said, and Kihyun felt himself only grow angrier, taking another step towards the other as he knew he was pushing Kihyun towards his breaking point.

“I’m going to give you until the count of three to hand it over,” Kihyun said in a low tone, his words lashing at the other as he felt his chest tighten in anxiety. “One,” Kihyun immediately started, and the other sat up, still taking another bite as he started to move slowly off the couch. “Two,” Kihyun said, the other now pushing himself off as Kihyun’s glare followed his every movement. The other didn’t hand over the chocolate, and Kihyun was left with no choice, “three,” leaving through gritted teeth as he pounced towards the boy.

The other only laughed loudly as he was chased through the apartment complex, his giggling loud as the furniture crashed around to get out of their way. Kihyun had had enough with his so-called “best friend,” and he would take the chocolate back with force, his only means to ending the misery that sat deep within him. His friend made one wrong move, and he was sent to the floor, the air knocking out of him even as Kihyun jumped on top of him and straddle his back, the boy whining as he started to kick his legs up and down behind the two.

“Not fair! If I didn’t fall then you wouldn’t have caught me!” his friend whined, and Kihyun leaned forward, one hand grabbing onto the other’s wrist, while the other ripped the chocolate bar clean from his hands.

“Luck is a skill too,” Kihyun said, his anger fading away the moment he had the chocolate, jumping up and off of his friend as he made his way back over to his couch. Kihyun jumped onto it as he took a bite of the chocolate, and a small moan left his lips, his eyes shining brightly as he glanced up at the pouting boy just entering the room now. His friend fell onto the couch next to him before letting out a sigh, and he tipped his head towards Kihyun, pout still evident as he eyed the chocolate.

“I don’t think we should consider ‘luck’ as one of your skills. Did you forget about last night?” his friend said, and Kihyun stopped short of a bite, his mouth slowly closing and his hand falling towards his lap. His friend sat up when he saw his sudden attitude, and he panicked, grabbing his friends shoulder before shaking him gently. “Just forget I said that! He was an asshole anyways!” his friend tried to say, but the damage had been done, and Kihyun could remember it all.

Up until yesterday Kihyun had been with a boyfriend of three years, the man he considered to be his one and only. He had plans to marry him, to be with him for the rest of his life, but during a dinner yesterday his lover had come forward and told the truth. The truth behind how he had fallen out of love with Kihyun, and had been sleeping with another man. Kihyun could feel the way his hands clenched and trembled at the thought of being pushed aside once more, and he closed his eyes, blocking out the room and his friend as he tried to calm down. Kihyun knew he could be bossy, and he knew he could get angry more than most, but he thought his love had already known that. Instead he had gotten bored with Kihyun, and chose some cute boy instead, thinner and prettier than Kihyun could ever hope to be.

“Kihyun…” his friend said, bringing him back from his thoughts as he sadly frowned at him. Kihyun shook his head before chomping down on the chocolate in frustration, and the two stayed quiet, his friend feeling guilty from his words, and Kihyun feeling the heartbreak topple over him all over again.

His friend had stayed with Kihyun the entire night, feeding him icecream and calling his ex all the rude names he could think of. They had been friends since middle school, a small gap in it when they moved far away from each other, but eventually they landed in the same area, their friendship rekindled the more they saw each other. It had been two years since they had both moved here, and Kihyun could consider them better friends than ever, the other able to comfort him and stand his bossy behavior, and Kihyun secretly loving his friends bitchy side, the two perfect for one another, even if they didn’t show it often. His friend's name was Minhyuk, a boy beauty of his own, with blond dyed hair, and a thin, tall body. Kihyun had always been jealous of his friend and his looks, but Minhyuk always assured him that he was “hot shit” himself, and to not compare them like that.

“What am I supposed to do now…” Kihyun said with a sigh, and he finished up the chocolate, throwing the wrapper onto the ground as Minhyuk watched it fall.

“I suppose all you can do is enter the market again. Don’t worry, someone should pick you up in no time,” Minhyuk said with a wink, and Kihyun glanced over, frowning harder as he looked questioningly at his friend.

“Is that a hooker reference?” Kihyun asked, and Minhyuk froze, his face contorting slowly as his own words and their secret meaning dawned on him.

“Oh! Well, is that something you’re interested in?” Minhyuk asked, and Kihyun groaned loudly, flipping himself over on the couch until his face was smashed into a pillow, and his legs rested on top of Minhyuk’s lap.

“Just shut up…” Kihyun said, his words muffled by the pillow, and Minhyuk slowly nodded, his hand coming down to rest on the back of Kihyun’s calf.

The two sat in silence, a much more comforting atmosphere than Kihyun would admit. Minhyuk didn’t need to talk to help the other, and they both knew that. All Kihyun needed was his presence, to know that he was there with him. While the two fought often, their best quality was how none of them ever took it seriously, that their friendship crowned their petty fights. Still, Kihyun was suffering, and Minhyuk would stay and bug Kihyun until he knew he would be okay on his own.

There was a sudden loud bang from the apartment next to him, one that had been empty until today. The house owner had come by to each of the apartments surrounding the empty one, and warned them about the new commer, and that the apartment would be empty no longer. While Kihyun enjoyed his privacy and for the most part, silence, he knew that it would only be time until someone moved in next to him. Kihyun didn’t waste time on wondering who it was, and he felt annoyance surge through him when Minhyuk leaned forward, clearly the more interested of the two.

“Have you met your neighbor yet?” Minhyuk excitedly asked, and Kihyun groaned again, kicking his leg up and shoving Minhyuk’s hand off of it.

“Who cares, probably some old dude who’ll stink up the hallway anytime he opens his door,” Kihyun joked, and Minhyuk scrunched up his nose, the words already creating a smell in the air that had Minhyuk bothered.

“Don’t say that! What if it's some super hot dude?!” Minhyuk gasped, and Kihyun pushed himself up onto his forearms, looking back and staring exasperatedly at his best friend.

“Don’t you have a boyfriend?” Kihyun asked, and Minhyuk nodded, grinning as he thought about his own man.

“Yeah, but it doesn’t hurt to look. I may like to window shop, but that doesn’t mean I would ever buy any of it,” Minhyuk reasoned, and Kihyun rolled his eyes, sitting up and twisting himself until his back was up against the armrest of the couch.

“And does Hyunwoo feel the same?” Kihyun asked, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

“I’d hope so, then we can talk about attractive boys together,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun let his head fall, slowly nodding as he let out a deep sigh.

“You’re both so weird…” Kihyun groaned, and Minhyuk chuckled, smiling fondly at his friend as he continued to hang his head.

“I’ll keep a lookout for the neighbor while you lounge lazily in your apartment. If he’s hot, I’ll put in a good word for you too,” Minhyuk said with a wink, and Kihyun glanced up at him, groaning once more as he closed his eyes.

“Minhyuk, please don’t,” Kihyun begged, but the other pretended to not listen, jumping off the couch before heading over to the kitchen.

“I’m grabbing a snack, want anything?” Minhyuk asked, and Kihyun glanced up, biting his lip as he tried to think.

“Icecream…” Kihyun quietly said, and Minhyuk smirked, nodding his head before grabbing the wall to the kitchen entranceway.

“Sounds good,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun watched his friend walk away, a sigh leaving his lips as he let his head fall back to stare at the ceiling.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun awoke with a startle, the sheets sliding off his barely covered leg and falling to the floor. It was late summer, the heat scorching and trapped inside his apartment walls, Kihyun only having enough money to run the AC for parts of the day. During the night he kept only a single fan on, and it blew into his face, cooling the built up sweat on his forehead while pushing his hair back, the boy’s eyes wide as he glanced around the room. He had been awoken by a loud banging, the sound coming from next to him through the wall, and he tried to calm his breathing, clutching at his shirt before lifting it up to wipe the sweat on his neck and collar bone.

Kihyun let out a sigh as he settled back into bed, closing his eyes and thriving in the silent peace until another bang occurred, a nerve breaking in his head as he slowly felt himself grow aggravated. Kihyun knew he was quick to blow his top, but he was tired, the emotional drain from the past few days easily exhausting him. Minhyuk had left just this afternoon after deeming Kihyun okay enough to sleep on his own, and Kihyun had thought he would be fine too. That was, until his blood boiled listening to his neighbor making a ruckus.

Kihyun kicked at the bed in frustration before sitting up, another bang behind heard as he whipped his head towards the wall. For the days the new neighbor had been quiet, but he had begun to get increasingly louder at night, the noise getting to the point where Kihyun wouldn’t be able to sleep through it. Kihyun brought his hand up as he angrily ruffled through his hair, and with a huff he stood up, pushing himself off the bed and towards the wall facing his neighbor. Kihyun jumped when he heard three more bangs in succession, and he tightened his clenched fists by his side, gritting his teeth as he shoved his ear to the wall

Kihyun’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion, a soft, classical music seeping through the wall and into his ear. The music was a great contrast to the banging, and when it happened again, Kihyun was unprepared, gasping as the vibrations tore his head apart. All sleep had left him at this point, and instead anger pursued, taking him over as a tisk left his mouth. Kihyun pulled his ear away just in time for one last bang, and he couldn’t handle it anymore, the boy reaching up his hand and knocking loudly onto the wall in front of him. His knuckles slightly hurt as he pulled away, but he smiled to himself, proud for sticking up to the noisy neighbor as he pushed his ear to the wall once more.

The music had stopped and silence fell over the opposite room, a sigh leaving his lips as he believed he had won. He instead heard shuffling around the room, footsteps coming closer to him, and he held his breath, closing his eyes as he felt a presence come up to the wall. Kihyun placed a palm gently onto the wall as he pushed his cheek further in, and the footsteps stopped, coming right up to the wall before silence followed once more. Kihyun suddenly felt nervous as he waited for something to happen, and he gulped, his legs trembling the smallest bit from anticipation.

Kihyun thought he would have a heart attack the moment a pointed knock sounded against the wall right next to his head, the knock the same pattern of Kihyun’s own as it banged against the wall. Kihyun stumbled backwards as his lips parted in shock, and the knocking happened again, this time louder and faster. Kihyun felt the anxiety strip away from him as anger only took its place once again, and he raised his hand, knocking harshly back as the knocks on the other side went off again. Kihyun growled as he tried to out knock the other, and soon it became a knocking contest, their knocking overlapping eachother’s as he felt his knuckles start to hurt, the skin tearing away and turning raw as Kihyun refused to give up. Kihyun only stopped when he didn’t hear the other side anymore, and he paused, waited with heavy breaths as he stared at the wall with squinted eyes.

Kihyun gasped when he heard the knocking again but from farther away, and he chased it, resuming the childish fight only in frustration. Kihyun pulled his hand away before pushing his ear into the wall, and a growl left his throat when he heard laughter from the other side, the person laughing at Kihyun and their childish game. Kihyun gasped as he learned only now that he was being mocked, and he backed up, his head dropping back to the floor as he shook violently in rage. The knocking stopped when the person realized Kihyun wasn’t playing back anymore, and instead Kihyun could hear the soft laughter, the person laughing at Kihyun and his childish behavior.

“Go to bed!” the person finally yelled, the laughter still clear and evident in their voice. Kihyun sputtered as he heard the other talk, and he collected himself, walking back over to the wall before slamming his palm up against it and screaming.

“If you fucking stop banging on the wall, then maybe I could!” Kihyun yelled, and he could hear the soft laughter again, the laughter light and boyish as it floated through the wall and over to Kihyun. The person didn’t respond, which only pissed Kihyun off more, but after waiting a few moments and hearing nothing, he sighed, letting go of his clenched fist and pulling his hand back before looking up at the wall once more. He wondered what type of person was behind it to act like that, but he stepped away, turning his head before glancing at the wall once more. Kihyun scoffed to himself when he realized he was giving a stranger a second thought, and he climbed back into bed, pulling the blanket off the floor and over his head before forcing himself to sleep once more.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun sighed, bringing the umbrella closer to his face as he walked down the rainy sidewalk. The weather had been poor the last few days, his skin sticky from heat, and his clothes wet from rain. It was as if the sky had been sad for him too, crying for his woes as he went through his new single life. Kihyun tried to push his ex out of his head as much as possible, but some days old memories would take over, leaving Kihyun in heartbreak and an ache to pick up the phone. He knew that even if his ex asked for him back he would say no, the man’s cheating being the part that broke Kihyun the most through it all.

Kihyun stopped short when he accidentally stomped into a deep puddle, his lips falling into a straight line as he closed his eyes. He willed the inevitable frustration to leave his body, and he felt the water soak past his shoe and into his sock, the nuisance only adding to his list of bad days and bad luck. Kihyun pulled his foot out of the puddle before lifting it up into the air, and he looked down, his thinned out lips quivering as he noticed the white had turned brown from mud. Kihyun reached down to see if he could clean the mud off, but a gust of wind whipped past him, strong enough to pull the umbrella right out from his hands and reveal his body to the sky above.

Kihyun groaned as he immediately felt the rain mat down his hair, beading down his soft brown locks and into his face, the rain tasting like metal the moment it met his lips. Kihyun reached up his hand to push his hair back from his face, and instead he forgot about the puddle, stepping forward and shoving his somewhat dry foot into it instead. A cry left Kihyun’s mouth as he began to be soaked all around, and he looked up at the sky, holding his breath as he let the water patter down onto his face.

Kihyun slowly felt the flames of hell erupt inside of him, and he growled, his teeth clenched as he kicked the puddle, not caring anymore if it did any more damage to his white shoes. Kihyun pulled his drenched hoodie over his head before throwing it to the ground too, and it landed in the puddle, soaking up the mud as Kihyun felt his frustration hit its peak. He felt the metallic water turn salty in his mouth, and only then did he realize he had started crying, everything happening at the same time, beating him down until he was wet and tired.

Kihyun felt his shoulder hunch as a sob racked through him, the sidewalk empty due to the rain. Kihyun had been heading to the small convenience store near his apartment to grab ice cream, and he had been surprised to see nobody outside and traveling themselves. Kihyun felt even more along with the absence of busy strangers, and he gave in, squatting towards the ground as he wrapped his arms around him. Kihyun felt the rain was over him, the sound loud enough to cover up his heavy sobs, and he stayed as he was, shaking and drenched, his shoes ruined, and his heart shattering into a million pieces.

Kihyun jumped when a hand suddenly touched his shoulder, and an umbrella was pushed into his face, the yellow of it shielding the face of his newfound savior. Kihyun didn’t have time to even thank the man before he took off again, leaving the umbrella in Kihyun’s hand, and walking unprotected into the rain as their clothes began to become soaked as well. Kihyun could only make out the man’s backside and his dirty blond hair, and before Kihyun knew it, he had turned the corner, the boy alone once more, but left with the gift of compassion in the form of a yellow umbrella.

Kihyun glanced up at it as he slowed his tears down, the umbrella not being the same one he had brought from his own apartment. This one was bright and yellow, while his had been dark and black, a fitting look to his recents mood. Kihyun lifted it up into the air and could see the water running down it, the yellow almost transparent, and casting a warm, gold tone down onto Kihyun. He stared at the rain for a while before standing up, and he reached a hand up, rubbing at his red eyes as the tears came to a stop. Kihyun didn’t know at the time how much the strangers act meant to him, but it was a means to a start, the boy turning around and heading home, keeping the umbrella close, and glueing a few pieces of his shattered heart back together.

~~~~~~~~

“Did you bring anything good back?” Minhyuk asked the moment Kihyun opened his door, the other managing to break inside his apartment as he made himself at home. Kihyun groaned at the sight of his best friend lounging on the couch, and Minhyuk glanced up, the smirk on his lips falling the moment he saw Kihyun and his state. Kihyun shut the yellow umbrella before gently setting it into his holder, and he walked into the room, passing by Minhyuk and feeling his heavy gaze following his every move. Minhyuk jumped out of his seat on the couch before following behind Kihyun, and he followed him into the bathroom, the other glancing at his friend through the mirror as he started to look through his bathroom draws. “What happened?” Minhyuk quietly asked, but Kihyun stayed quiet, finding what he needed before pulling it out and setting it to the side.

Kihyun started to work at taking out his contacts, the things harder to bear after the tears he had shed earlier. Kihyun pulled one out at a time before sighing, and he glanced at Minhyuk once more, watching him with a worried expression the whole time. Kihyun slipped his glasses on before putting the contacts away, and he pushed past Minhyuk, sloppily kicking off his shoes and tearing off his wet shirt. Minhyuk continued to follow him until the two were in his room, and Minhyuk sat on the bed, watching Kihyun change into dry clothes before creeping into bed himself, pulling the covers over his head as he tucked himself into a tight ball. Minhyuk continued to stare until he pushed himself over, and Kihyun felt a hand rest on top of his side, shaking him slightly as he felt he could hear the pout coming from Minhyuk’s lips.

“Kihyun… come on…” Minhyuk whined gently, and Kihyun only pulled the blanket closer to him, closing his eyes tightly as he gulped harshly down on the ball in his throat.

“Leave me alone…” Kihyun mumbled, but he felt Minhyuk move once more, until he was spooning Kihyun through the blanket, wrapping his arm over the boy and pulling him closer to his warm body.

“Don’t be like this, I thought you were feeling better,” Minhyuk softly said, and Kihyun gritted his teeth, feeling confusion drift through him as he didn’t know if what he was feeling was sadness, or anger.

“Minhyuk, please leave me alone,” Kihyun softly begged, but the boy only stayed, knowing the other didn’t mean it, and would only be comforted if Minhyuk stayed by his side. Minhyuk reached over and pulled the blanket down enough to expose Kihyun’s brown fluffy hair, and he pushed his fingers into it, carding through the locks and calming Kihyun down as he sighed from the touch.

“You know I can’t do that,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun felt his chest tighten, his loneliness seeping away the longer Minhyuk willingly stayed to help him. “Tell me what you want, Kihyun,” Minhyuk asked, and Kihyun stayed quiet, slowly opening his eyes as he peered into the darkness inside of the fluffy blanket.

“I want to hurt him. I want to hurt him as much as he hurt me,” Kihyun whispered, and Minhyuk sighed, holding Kihyun closer as he wrapped his leg around the boy too.

“You know that won’t help,” Minhyuk gently answered, and Kihyun started to tremble, the other easily getting to him as he helped break down his hard exterior.

“I-I know,” Kihyun softly said, and another silence fell over them, Minhyuk starting to hum under his breath as he held Kihyun. Kihyun let his eyes fall as he felt comforted by the other, and Minhyuk soon lulled him into sleep, the two laying with each other as one stayed awake, and the other rested his weary heart for a few hours.

~~~~~~~~~

Kihyun woke up later in the day, the sun setting, and his blanket falling off the bed once more. Minhyuk was gone from his side of the bed, but Kihyun knew the other was still here, not willing to leave Kihyun in his state, and the smell of food giving him away. Kihyun slowly sat up before blinking a few times, and he crawled out of bed, following the smell of good food as he licked his lips. Kihyun barely made it to the kitchen before he was crashing into Minhyuk, and the other smiled brightly, grabbing onto his hand and pulling him into his own kitchen.

“I made food!” Minhyuk exclaimed, and Kihyun looked at it with wide eyes, slowly nodding his head at the array of dishes on the table. Kihyun slowly stepped forward before feeling his mouth start to salivate, and he sat in one of his chairs, Minhyuk watching him closely with a wide smile, before sitting down too.

“You made all of this?” Kihyun asked, and Minhyuk nodded proudly, grabbing a piece of meat before putting it onto Kihyun’s plate.

“Of course! I mean, I did use everything that was in your fridge, and you’ll have a lot of pots and pans to clean later, but I did it all by myself!” Minhyuk explained, and Kihyun felt his eye twitch, his hand stopping short of his fork as he glanced up at Minhyuk.

“What?” Kihyun asked through gritted teeth, and Minhyuk chuckled, shaking his head before stuffing some food into his own mouth.

“It’s not a big deal! Just think of this as your ‘feel better’ meal,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun felt the rage once more, his hand gripping onto the utensil tightly as a sudden bang was heard on his wall. Kihyun thought he would throw something at that same moment, but Minhyuk noticed his anger, smiling sheepishly as he let his own fork fall onto his plate. “S-Sorry…” Minhyuk whispered, Kihyun letting out a deep breath as he tried to control his anger.

“It’s alright, you were just trying to be nice,” Kihyun slowly said, and Minhyuk nodded, smiling softly at his friend before picking up his utensil once more. The bang on the wall happened once more and Kihyun groaned, turning around his seat to stare at it, as if the other person would be able to feel his glare through the wall. “What’s with this guy? He’s been so loud lately,” Kihyun muttered, and Minhyuk hummed around a mouthful of food, swallowing down on it as he glanced between Kihyun and the wall.

“Oh!” Minhyuk suddenly exclaimed, Kihyun turning around in his seat as he arched an eyebrow at his friend. “I forgot to tell you I met him today,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun sighed, stabbing a piece of meat with his own fork before roughly shoving it in his mouth.

“Is he as annoying as he is at night?” Kihyun asked, venom and disdain dripping from his voice as Minhyuk shook his head.

“Well, I don’t know about that. I caught him while he was leaving, and oh my god Kihyun, is he hot,” Minhyuk said, fanning his face before smirking towards Kihyun. Kihyun only frowned harder as he scoffed, and he leaned back into his meal, angrily stuffing food into his mouth before scoffing again.

“I don’t care if he’s hot, or if he’s the ugliest person on the planet. I just wish he could be quiet, then I’d be able to stop caring completely,” Kihyun bitterly said, and Minhyuk leaned back, crossing his arms as he stared silently at his friend.

“So… you’re not curious on just how hot he is?” Minhyuk asked, and Kihyun let his fork fall, clashing with the plate before whipping his head up at his friend.

“I don’t care!” Kihyun yelled, and Minhyuk suddenly started to laugh loudly, Kihyun growing even more frustrated as he heard another knock on his wall. Kihyun whipped his head towards it instead, and he pushed his chair back noisily, standing up and walking towards the wall before kicking it harshly with his foot.

While the bang of the angry foot was loud, Kihyun regretted it immediately, falling to the ground and clutching his foot as anger and pain surged through him. Minhyuk only laughed louder as he watched the scene, wiping the tears away before smirking towards his friend. Another knock was heard and Kihyun let out a loud sigh, letting go of his foot before giving up and sitting in the middle of the floor, letting himself fall until he was lying down with his arms outstretched. Kihyun stared up at the ceiling with a blank stare, and Minhyuk got up from his seat, still chuckling as he leaned over his friend on the ground.

“You good now?” Minhyuk asked, and Kihyun sighed, still staring at the ceiling as he slowly nodded his head.

“Yeah…” Kihyun mumbled, and Minhyuk chuckled again, looking towards the wall before sitting down onto the ground next to his friend. “I’m sorry I’ve been so angry lately,” Kihyun said as he glanced at Minhyuk, and his friend hummed, looking over at Kihyun too before smiling softly.

“You’ve been going through a lot. Besides, I know you don’t mean it. While others have not been privileged enough to see it, I’ve seen every side of you, even the cute, fluffy ones. You’re a good person whether you agree with me or not, you just need to release that pent up frustration sometimes,” Minhyuk said, reaching forward to gently pet Kihyun’s head. Kihyun stayed still as he thought about the words Minhyuk had just spoken, trying to get himself to believe them, even if he knew his friend was only saying it to make him feel better. His ex had left him because of his sour attitude, and anybody else would too, the only anomaly being his best friend, who had stayed with him through it all. Kihyun didn’t respond as he gazed back up at the ceiling, and he felt his chest tighten once more, the thought of his forever alone future without the love of his life hitting him once more, his head spinning from the ache in his heart. 

Kihyun wished he had been born lucky, lucky enough to meet some stranger who was the one, to have a fairytale ending with that special someone by his side. Luck had never been with him though, starting off from his childhood, to his most recent years. If he could change the past he would, if he could change who he was he would. But, luck had never been by his side, and instead his ex had taken its place, giving Kihyun the sense of hope he always wished to obtain. With him gone Kihyun felt the depression he once had looming over him like a dark rain cloud, the boy in desperate need of an umbrella as it soaked its misery onto Kihyun, until he was chilled to the bone.

Minhyuk pulled his hand away before staring down at his friend in concern, seeing his friend worse for wear as the days went by. Minhyuk had been blessed to meet Kihyun, to see how kind a person could be, and how strong they had the potential to be. Minhyuk looked up to Kihyun in every way possible, and it hurt when he knew he couldn’t help him, the other suffering in ways even he couldn’t cure. Minhyuk knew he wouldn’t give up though, but he would need help, or Kihyun would shrink back into the man he once was, the one without the built up courage and strength he had possessed over the years.

Kihyun glazed at the wall next to him as his foot ached, his fist clenching at his side as he thought about his neighbor again. The other had gone quiet since then, and Kihyun felt lonier in the silence, confusion swimming around as he told himself it was better without the silence. But with the knocking came the knowledge that someone was there, that at night when he was all alone, at least someone was on the other side of the wall, probably carrying problems of their own. A person who had a life to show for themselves, and strength that Kihyun felt he could fake if he tried. Kihyun already missed the small signs of life, although he would never admit it, his pride was too big to act small in front of those he didn’t closely know.

Minhyuk removed his hand from Kihyun’s hair, and Kihyun sighed, letting his head fall to the other side as he looked over at his friend. He wondered if he had such eyes for their whole friendship together, and if he always looked at Kihyun like that, like he held pity for the slightly younger boy. Kihyun didn’t know how to fix them, but he knew he needed to get better, to help the other and to tear the burden away from him. If he couldn’t feel better for himself, than he would do it for Minhyuk, the boy who showed him the road every step of the way, the one light that he had been able to carry along the whole time through this darkness inside of him.

Kihyun sat up with a sigh before getting up off the ground, and he reached a hand towards Minhyuk, helping the other up as well before they both headed back over to have their now cold food. It was quiet for the most part, with small comments passed around, but Kihyun could feel it the entire time, the small sense of anxiety and nervousness that road inside of him. What would come of his future? What would he do now, scared of the dark, and scared to be alone?

~~~~~~~~

“What the hell…” Kihyun groaned out loud, looking down at the package that had been put inside his mailbox. Kihyun held the yellow umbrella tightly into his hand as he pulled it out, and he read the recipient address one more time, noticing the name that wasn’t his, as well as the address that was eerily similar to his neighbors. Kihyun groaned and clenched the box tightly, and he shut his eyes, trying to think of what the right thing to do would be in this situation.

He knew if this happened to anyone else, they would just leave it on the ground, hoping it would make its way back to the right owner. But Kihyun couldn’t be sure it wouldn’t just be stolen, or if the man would miss it all together. Kihyun knew the only way it would definitely make it into the right hands was if he delivered it himself, but that would mean meeting the man behind the late night knocks, something Kihyun had not been looking forward to doing. He had successfully avoided seeing his face for the whole week he had been living there, and even if Minhyuk had sworn by his charming looks multiple times, Kihyun already felt like the two would not get along, any mention of the boy frustrating him farther.

Kihyun hold onto the box as he let his arms fall to his side, and he made his way towards the elevator, waiting for it to open before walking inside. While he would usually do all he could to stay away from the man, he was worried about the package, knowing how one could feel when things were stolen from them. Kihyun closed his eyes and sucked it up, and he let the elevator carry him to his floor, the inevitable fate of meeting his neighbor now finally hanging in the air. Kihyun didn’t know if he felt dread or something different inside of him, but it felt different, and Kihyun had never been a fan of different.

Kihyun was shaken out of his thoughts when he heard the ding, signalling him that his climb in the elevator was over, and the number written above that usually brought Kihyun high spirits, expressed weariness instead. Unfortunately, there was nothing else Kihyun could do, and he stepped out of the elevator, his lips thinning out as he took a few shaky steps forward. He could see his own apartment in all its glory, but he was forced to look past it, taking in the other living quarter and the man that it held inside. Kihyun knew that this was it, and he knew that something would come to an end, either his quiet life, or his patience. 

Kihyun stopped right in front of the door, some of the paint peeling off, and the number on it crooked, a sign that the person behind didn’t care about what the place looked like, only if it was cheap enough to rent. Kihyun always made assumptions about others, and while he could usually look past things like this, it felt strange, like the man behind the door would hide many secrets from those around him. Kihyun shook his head at his wild thoughts, and he took in a deep breath, taking the moment to knock on the door, and wait.

And wait he did. For about three minutes until he started to feel frustrated, his favorite nerve snapping in his head as he clenched down onto the umbrella harder. Kihyun raised his hand to knock again, but harder this time, and he grinded his teeth, knowing that the moment he saw the other person, he would be one step from punching them in the face. Kihyun leaned in as he put his ear to the door, and he let out a small growl, hearing the sound of footsteps, even though they weren’t close to the door. Kihyun had reason to believe they were just ignoring him, and he pounded onto the door with his fist, listening on the other side as the growl seemed to grow louder from his lips.

Within seconds the door finally opened, without giving Kihyun enough time to pull back and stand up straight. A gasp let his lips as his hand swung downwards as it missed the door, and his body fell forward too, the boy being tripped up as his eyes closed for his inevitable doom. Kihyun beat himself up inside, aware of his bad luck and how he should’ve seen this coming, but when he felt himself hit something softer instead as he was still standing, he grew confused, opening his eyes back up as he blinked and looked around.

“Not the greeting I’d normally expect, but this works too,” a deep voice suddenly said, and Kihyun felt himself immediately shiver, the voice sending vibrations through his body at how pleasant it was to listen to. A gasp left Kihyun’s lips when he noticed he had fallen into a bare chest instead, and the man in front of him reached forward, grabbing onto his shoulders before gently helping him to stand straight once more. Kihyun couldn’t even get a word out when he saw the man and his naked glory in front of him, a dark grey towel hanging off his hips, and his chest dripping with small drops of water, Kihyun’s face immediately flushing as he started to sputter for something to say. “I would’ve come to the door sooner, but you kind of caught me mid-shower,” his neighbor said with a chuckle, and Kihyun ripped his eyes away from the chiseled chest, looking up at the handsome face instead as he felt the pink start to creep down his neck and up his ears.

The man was as handsome as Minhyuk had said, a strong jawline, and an even stronger nose structure, the man’s pink lips stretched into a smirk as Kihyun glanced at them. Kihyun continued to sputter as the man looked calmly at him, and he gasped, remembering the reason for coming over and meeting the man in the first place. Kihyun looked down at the box in his hand as his eyes caught sight of the towel once more, and he felt his lips flap uselessly open and shut, his thoughts not catching up to him quick enough as the gorgeous boy uncaringly stood almost naked in front of him.

The neighbor looked down to see what was in Kihyun’s hands, first taking notice of the umbrella, before catching sight of the box. Without thinking he grabbed at it, and he easily removed it from Kihyun’s weak fingers, the other too distracted to even realize. The man brought it up to his face before smirking again, and he leaned against the door, crossing his legs as he rested one hand on his hip, Kihyun only sputtering harder at the nude pose. “Did you go through all this trouble to give me this package?” Changkyun asked, and Kihyun finally froze, glancing up as he nodded his head. The boy’s eyes widened when he took notice of Kihyun’s bright red blush, and he looked down at himself, suddenly realizing what had been the cause of it.

“Ah, sorry. I’ll go get changed and then we can talk,” the boy said, but Kihyun jumped first, grabbing roughly onto his wrist before keeping him still in the doorway.

“N-No! Just take the package and leave me alone. Or better yet, stop making so much noise at night. I-I can’t sleep and it's annoying! You’re just being a pest!” Kihyun said, and Changkyun stayed quiet, looking down at the boy as he started to let his anger slip through. Kihyun glanced up at the boy and caught his heavy gaze, and he suddenly felt even more annoyed, the look the other was giving him only helping to make his blood boil even more. “S-Stop looking at me l-like that!” Kihyun yelled as he tore his hand away, and he grabbed the door instead, aiming to slam it shut before the other suddenly reached forward, slamming his palm on it to stop it. 

“So, you’re my neighbor then I take it? Good to know…” the boy said with a smirk, and he grabbed Kihyun’s hand, pulling him close as he smirked down at him. “My name’s Changkyun,” Changkyun said as he leaned down, Kihyun gritting his teeth as the fire burst behind his eyes. “I can’t wait to become close neighbors with you, Kihyun,” Changkyun said, his voice somehow even lower than before, and Kihyun scoffed, ripping his wrist out of the other’s hand before pushing him back harshly by his chest. The naked boy stumbled back as he stared heavily down at Kihyun, and Kihyun panted, his gaze set in a glare as the blush deepened on his face.

“Don’t talk to me ever again!” Kihyun yelled, and he turned and ran, opening his own door before slamming it shut. Kihyun fell against the back of his door the moment he stepped inside, and he wrapped his legs into his arms, pulling them close to his chest as he stared at the floor with wide eyes. Kihyun could not comprehend what had just happened, or why the other had spoken to him like that, the hatred for the other only swelling the more he thought about him. Kihyun punched his fist into the floor before closing his eyes, and he swore to himself to never get involved with the other again, his hate for his new neighbor growing like the pain in his chest, his head swimming, and the memories of his past stabbing into his heart. He would never talk to the other again, and he fell into himself even further, until all he could feel was those eyes, staring at him, even while they hinted at a sadness from deep within.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kihyun starts to break down a little more here, things will start to grow more intense.

The rain didn’t let up for another few days. Kihyun spent his time inside his apartment, either lounging on the couch, eating junk food, or sleeping in his bed. Minhyuk hadn’t shown up for the past few days, and Kihyun felt more alone than ever, the rain reminding him of his own dark clouds floating above him. Kihyun used to love the rain when he was a child, the warm water hitting his face in the summer when he went to play outside. He used to sit in the street on one of the hills near where he lived, the water running down the road and into his swim trunks. Kihyun always had played by himself like that, the other kids that he lived with keeping to themselves or playing with their own toys. The children at the orphanage where Kihyun grew up were just like him, sad and lonely, but more often than not they had luck on their sides, while Kihyun was always faced with none.

Kihyun did get along with the director of the orphanage, an older lady who dyed her hair to hide the grey from showing. Her words stung like a whip, and she was often angry with the children, but Kihyun’s tears always swayed her, the woman calming down enough to comfort him. She knew what it was like for them, and she knew that she was all they had, a mother of some sorts to the lonely kids. Kihyun never believed she was actually angry at them, just that she was scared and nervous for them, wanting to help them grow up into a world where they would be starting off all on their own. She died due to a heart attack a year after Kihyun turned 18 and left the orphanage, and only he and a few others went to her funeral, Kihyun wishing more than anything that his brothers and sisters would someday realize just how kind hearted of a woman she actually was.

Rainy days always made him think of the past, and he had been reminiscing for a while now. In his dreams he saw the old building where he grew up, and on television faces looked similar to his brother and sisters. Kihyun remembered the year before he had left, the little girl that had looked up to his older self. Kihyun had treated her with care, but was secretly waiting for anyone to come and save him. When he found the chance at 17 years old, he had taken it, running into the man’s arms and leaving his little sister behind. Her tears were stained on his soul, but with his previous love on his side, he felt clean, life before meaningless with him there.

When Minhyuk first met his love, he had immediately told Kihyun to leave him, a man of 26 seeking a boy of 17 strange. And while Kihyun believed love had no age, his lover made sure to remind him often of it, using a power trip with a larger number to convince Kihyun into following him blindly. They didn’t officially date until Kihyun was 20, but he had been there the whole time, grooming Kihyun into following his every need, worshipping his existence. Kihyun had gone so long living for someone else, that he forgot what it was like to live for himself, his heart aching as the second half was torn away from him. That second half a parasite in disguise, feeding off of Kihyun until he no longer could keep up with the power above him.

Kihyun realized how wrong he was for loving someone like that, for letting him hurt Kihyun over and over again. And he realized how wrong it was to never tell his best friend either, Minhyuk never having known about the mental scars, and the few physical ones. Kihyun had stayed calm when the storm arrived, but the storm was always strong, tearing his home apart and hurting him. Kihyun had always only tried to stay calm with his love, for he knew that in his head, pain was always an option. And Kihyun hated that pain, hated the feeling of his heart breaking in half, of being played with over and over by his love, the person he trusted the most. His love played him like an instrument, pulling the right strings to create the perfect melody, a mix of pain, pleasure, and sadness that Kihyun tried to push as far into the back of his head as he could, but the rain always washed it out again. The rain reminded him of the pain. And Kihyun now hated the rain the most in the world.

There was a sudden knock on his door that awoke Kihyun from his thoughts, his head swimming as he slowly sat up from the couch. Kihyun had kept the room dark due to his impending headache, and the silence was filled with the sound of the rain hitting his window, his own punishment for being a fool all those years. Kihyun stood on shaky feet as he headed over to his door, and he slowly opened it, a pair of kind eyes peering in as they observed Kihyun and his state. Kihyun knew what he looked like, unshaven and his hair sticking out every which way, but he knew his friend didn’t care, the only thing he would care about would be helping to find a way out of this state.

Kihyun stared at his friend silently, the darkness creeping in from behind him in his dark apartment, shadows of the rain falling playing out on the walls around him. Minhyuk stared back before moving, and Kihyun let out a sigh, the darkness leaving him the moment he felt his friends arms embrace him, holding him tightly in his doorway as Kihyun shook in desperation. He didn’t know what he needed anymore, but he felt like this was a start, the embrace like a breath of fresh air to him. He couldn’t see the rain, nor hear it, and while he felt his heart only break further, he knew that this was okay, that this was supposed to happen. Minhyuk had told him that you need to break completely and open yourself up for someone to put the pieces back together, and Minhyuk was helping him do just that, his tears pooling out his eyes and falling on his friend’s shoulder.

Minhyuk held him tightly as he rubbed his back, and Kihyun let out a small sob, his friend pushing them further into the room so he could shut his door to give the other the privacy he needed. Minhyuk had always been kind like that, and had always reminded him of the orphanage director, doing what he deemed best for his close ones. Minhyuk could be selfish, but when it came down to it, he would do whatever he needed to help out someone he loved, whether it was staying by their side, embracing them, or even giving up his favorite things. Minhyuk had been a good friend to him his whole life, and Kihyun had always wished he could say he was the same back, his heart trapped at a later age by the man he thought he had loved.

Minhyuk only let go when the sobs ran out, Kihyun’s exhaustion now allowing him to catch up as he felt a lightness in his chest once more. Minhyuk had helped drain him of his pent up sadness, but Kihyun knew it would slowly seep back in again, the rain still a constant reminder as it hit his window sill. The two stayed silent for a few more moments before Minhyuk took his hand, and Kihyun glanced down at it, the boy smiling softly at him as he held it tighter to help ground the other and his emotions. “You should stay with Hyunwoo and I for a little bit, just until you start to feel better,” Minhyuk suddenly said, worry evident in his voice as he stared at Kihyun. Kihyun felt his heart quiver at the words, regret surging through him as he realized just how worried he made the other feel, and he shook his head, looking up at Minhyuk with sad eyes before forcing his own smile to his face.

“No, I can’t do that. You and Hyunwoo barely have the space for just the two of you, I would just be getting in the way,” Kihyun said, but Minhyuk only frowned, Kihyun pulling his hand out of his as his friend let out a small sigh.

“I know I can’t force you, but the option is still open for you whenever you want to take it up. Even if we end up at a smaller place, or even on the streets, I’ll make room for you by my side,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun felt his heart quiver once more, the words too kind for someone like him. “At least come over for dinner tonight, Hyunwoo keeps asking to see you, but he’s too busy right now with the job to visit. It’ll ease all of us if you came tonight,” Minhyuk urged, and Kihyun stayed quiet, thinking for a few moments before giving in to the others' request. If Minhyuk could say the words he said and mean the power behind them, then Kihyun could go to dinner once in a while, just to show how grateful he was for Hyunwoo and Minhyuk’s friendship with them.

“Just tonight, okay?” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk seemed to light up, the dingy dark apartment feeling warmer the more Minhyuk smiled in it.

“I’ll get you over there again Kihyun, but tonight works good too!” Minhyuk excitedly said, and he stepped away from Kihyun, moving to the wall and turning on the light switches. The room glowed with a yellow light, and Minhyuk next headed over to the windows, closing the curtains before looking back at his friend. Minhyuk knew everything about Kihyun, whether he himself knew them or not. “When you’re here alone and it's raining, you need to keep these windows shut. Also, please shower, you smell like day old cheese that’s been sitting out, and it doesn’t really fit your whole clean freak vibe you usually give off,” Mihyuk said with a chuckle, and Kihyun managed to laugh himself, nodded as he slowly walked over to the bathroom. “Oh, and I’ll find some clean clothes for you somewhere,” Minhyuk added, and he dashed into Kihyun’s bedroom, leaving him alone once more as Kihyun already felt his thoughts start to consume him.

Kihyun stepped into the bathroom and kept the shower water on hot, the water stinging his skin as he stepped inside, but oddly comforting him at the same time. He felt like burning the memories away would be the only solution, and while it hurt and turned his skin raw, Kihyun couldn’t help but sigh in relief, turning the shower off and stepping into the misty room. Kihyun found new clothes sitting on the sink that Minhyuk must have brought in, and he changed quickly, leaving the bathroom and facing his friend as he watched him sit up from the couch, his smile falling the moment he saw Kihyun and his state.

“What did you do…” Minhyuk whispered, standing up as he glanced at Kihyun and his red, raw skin. Kihyun could still feel the pain as he glanced away, and Minhyuk went over to him, reaching for his wrist and dragging him back over to the couch where he had just sat. Minhyuk left for only a few moments before returning, and he carried a small bowl with cold water in one hand, and a small towel in the other, kneeling on the floor in front of Kihyun as he placed the objects on the ground.

“I don’t know what happened… I just felt so dirty,” Kihyun whispered, and Minhyuk sighed, leaning up to take Kihyun’s shirt off of him once more.

“Do I need to help you shower now too?” Minhyuk asked, sighing again when Kihyun avoided his eye contact. Minhyuk placed the towel in the water before wringing it out, and he patted it down onto Kihyun’s red skin, a relieved sigh leaving Kihyun’s lips when he felt the cooling start to take place. Kihyun realized right then that what he did was wrong, and he felt himself frown, the tears building up again as he watched his friend try to save him once more. “I don’t understand, you’re all over the place. One day you’ll be frustrated beyond belief, and the next you’ll be this much of a mess, hurting yourself the moment you try to help yourself. I’m worried... “ Minhyuk said, glancing up once in awhile at Kihyun and his tears. Kihyun fell back onto the couch as he tipped his head back, and he let Minhyuk work, helping to soothe him and his damaged skin from his own behavior towards it.

“I-I’m sorry…” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk hummed, finished up cooling his skin before leaving the room for a few moments. Minhyuk picked out the worst spots before putting cooling patches on them, and he gave the boy his shirt back, standing up and watching as Kihyun redressed himself with tears in his eyes.

“I know you’re not going to like it, but I’m too worried for you to say no. I’m going to ask Changkyun to stop by once a night to check up on you,” Minhyuk suddenly said, and Kihyun’s eyes widened, his lips parting as he thought about his annoying neighbor next door.

“Please Minhyuk! A-Anyone but him!” Kihyun begged, but Minhyuk shook his head, crossing his arms as he put his foot down on this one.

“You know if I could have Wonho do it I would, but he’s almost never home! The only one I know I can rely on is Changkyun, and I know he is just as worried as I am,” Minhyuk said, Kihyun scoffing as he fell into the couch once more.

“Why would he be worried? He doesn’t even know me!” Kihyun exclaimed, and Minhyuk looked at him with a sharp glare, taking a step forward before pointing accusingly at him.

“He told me the other day about your first meeting at his door. He told me you looked sick, your face sweaty and red like you had a fever! Why didn’t you tell me?!” Minhyuk yelled, and Kihyun froze, nervousness seeping into his bones as he remembered his awful cold he had, and all the suffering he had forced himself to take on his own. Kihyun hadn’t known he was sick until later that night after meeting Changkyun, and while he had slept, he had dreamed of someone knocking on his door, a deep voice calling out to him as he slept through the fever and the pain. He remembered the time he had been sick with his previous love, and the abandonment he faced during that time too. Kihyun felt like it would be the same with anyone else, and so he stayed to himself, going through it all on his own as he cried in his sleep. Kihyun felt the regret swoop through him once more, regret for not treating Minhyuk as well as he treated him, and he started to tremble, Minhyuk’s posture relaxing the moment he saw the terrified boy in front of him.

“I was so sick…” Kihyun softly said, and Minhyuk clenched his fists by his side, nodding as he looked towards his friend.

“Then no complaining, Changkyun will visit you every night from now on,” Minhyuk said, and he stepped away from Kihyun, entering his kitchen as he left the boy trembling on the couch. Minhyuk only returned when he had a glass of water, and he handed it over to Kihyun, sitting next to him before reaching up and gently petting his head. “I know this is tough. I know there’s so much you haven’t told me, so much locked inside your head and your heart. But, you’re not alone. And you don’t need to be scared,” Minhyuk softly said, watching as Kihyun brought the water to his lips and started to calm down. Kihyun sipped on the water until he felt whole again, and he placed the glass onto the table, staring down at it before releasing a shaky sigh.

“Fine, he can come. No longer than five minutes though, and he’s not allowed to touch anything in my apartment,” Kihyun decided, and Minhyuk smiled widely, nodding his head as he got up from the couch.

“How about we go meet with Hyunwoo now, before he burns down our place?” Minhyuk asked, and Kihyun chuckled, nodding his head before slowly getting off his seat to follow behind Minhyuk.

~~~~~~~~

“Hey Kihyun, it’s been a while! Sorry I haven’t found the time to visit you myself,” Hyunwoo said, pulling the other into a quick hug before taking a step back. Kihyun smiled politely at his other friend before glancing around the room, approving of the new additions the two had bought for their own small apartment. The two lived together in an apartment complex just a street over, but the rent was cheaper, and the rooms were smaller, barely enough room to fit a kitchen and living room in them. But, the two always seemed to make it work, happy as long as they were together in the end. Kihyun envied them and their relationship, the four going out on double dates from time to time. Kihyun’s previous lover hated his friends though, and Minhyuk always swore his ex had a bad look in his eye, Kihyun in the middle of their tug of war on him. Kihyun more often than not would choose his lover, and to this day he regretted it, more regret than in the whole world for his best friend alone.

“It’s okay, things have been kind of weird anyways,” Kihyun said, and he glanced out their small window, frowning when he saw the rain only pour harder. Kihyun stayed by the window as Minhyuk greeted Hyunwoo, and the two stopped and stared at their friend when they were done, frowning sadly as they both exchanged a quick glance at one another.

“Oh hey Kihyun, did you know Hyunwoo knows Changkyun?” Minhyuk suddenly said, Kihyun frowned harder at the mention of the others' names.

“Is that so…” Kihyun lazily drawled, looking at the soaked street below him, and his friends moved to their small two seat couch, nervously watching their friend as he kept his gaze towards the rain.

“Oh yeah, I met him right before he moved in. He was carrying this heavy box down the street, and I grabbed it right before it fell,” Hyunwoo said before chuckling, Kihyun only scoffing as he thought about the boy.

“Must be pretty weak then,” Kihyun said, and he walked away from the window, looking at his two friends before leaning against the wall.

“No, it’s kind of weird, but I felt like he had an easier time carrying it than me…” Hyunwoo added, and Minhyuk smiled, taking one of Hyunwoo’s arms into his own as he hugged him close.

“Kihyunnie doesn’t like Changkyun,” Minhyuk added, and Kihyun watched the blood drain from Hyunwoo’s face, his eyes darting nervously around the room before landing on the front door.

“Ha ha… um, well that’s so weird, because-” Hyunwoo tried to say, but suddenly there was a knock on the door, Kihyun feeling a darkness flood over him the moment he heard the rain start to hit the building harder. Kihyun felt everything fade as Hyunwoo stood up, and he thought he could hear his own breathing, the sound of his breath mixing with the rain as his heart slowed down with it. Kihyun gritted his teeth as the weird sensation filled his body, and he felt the spark erupt through him when he saw the familiar face come into view, Kihyun confused as to what feeling the spark portrayed. Kihyun felt the rain pound into his ears as he watched the other smile before turning to Kihyun, and his smirk set Kihyun on fire, his rage slowly reawakening the longer he saw that face in front of him.

“-hyun?” someone suddenly said, and Kihyun was shaken out of his daze, the rain going back to normal the moment he heard his name. Kihyun turned to look at his best friend and his worried expression, and he turned to face away from the newcomer, crossing his arms across his chest as he sighed heavily.

“You planned this all along, didn’t you?” Kihyun accused, and Minhyuk’s eyes widened, shaking his head as Changkyun and Hyunwoo started to talk. Kihyun heard the others low tone once more, and he gritted his teeth, wishing he could put his hand on his ears and run away.

“I didn’t! I swear, Hyunwoo must have invited him without telling me!” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun jumped, feeling a hand land on his shoulder before a face came into view next to him.

“Hey there, neighbor,” Changkyun said with a smirk, mock oozing from his voice as he stared Kihyun down. Kihyun shivered as he pushed Changkyun’s hand off of him, and he slowly backed into the wall, feeling his back hit it before his eyes widened towards the other.

“Don’t t-touch me,” Kihyun said, his head falling towards the floor as he closed his eyes shut tightly. The group stayed quiet as they watched the boy, until the voice spoke up again, a voice that gave Kihyun shivers when it spoke.

“I should go,” Changkyun suddenly said, and Kihyun whipped his head up, his chest tightening when his gaze connected instantly with Changkyun’s own heavy one.

“Don’t be stupid, you just got here. Plus you’re soaked, give yourself a chance to dry up first,” Hyuwnoo said, and Changkyun watched as Kihyun’s eyes fell, trailing down the boy’s body and only now noticing his drenched clothes. Kihyun felt his chest restrict even more at the sight, and he grabbed at the collar of his shirt, feeling like he couldn’t breathe the longer Changkyun set his gaze on him.

“Yeah, you don’t have to leave just cause Kihyun here has some weird anger crush on you,” Minhyuk added, Kihyun now silently gasping for air. Nobody seemed to notice Kihyun and his struggle, until Changkyun took a few steps towards him, ripping his hand away from his shirt and holding it tightly into his own fist. Kihyun felt his eyes widen even more when Changkyun was all that much closer, and the other stared down at him, watching him struggle as a sadness filled his eyes.

“Breathe,” Changkyun suddenly said, and just like that he felt his chest collapse, gasping for full bodied breaths as his legs gave into him. Changkyun was quick to catch him before he could fall, but Kihyun panicked, pushing the other off of him before slamming back into the wall he had previously pushed himself against.

“N-No!” Kihyun yelled, and he took off into a sprint, leaving the apartment and the yells behind him as he pushed himself to run faster, down the hallways, down the stairs, and out the front door. 

The rain stung his face the moment he ran into it, his body heavy as he felt the weight of his struggles bear down onto him all at once. Kihyun sputtered around the rain as he ran, and he didn’t look to see where he was going, only running, running away from his problems, and the man who had scared him. He didn’t know who Changkyun was, nor where he came from, but he was different from the rest, his own eyes carrying a burden heavier than Kihyun could imagine. Kihyun felt like he had him figured out the moment he laid his eyes on Kihyun, and that scared him more than anything, the fear of having his secrets found out. Kihyun ran away from that fear, and into the rain again, rather to be reminded of everything, than for someone to find out.

Kihyun cried out as he ran, his feet splashing into the puddles below him as he began to get soaked in the rain, the water adding the extra weight onto him. His chest hurt, and his head pounded, his headache from the day only growing the longer he felt scared and out of place. Kihyun didn’t know where he was going, but it didn't matter, the only thing he knew he needed to do was get away. Get away from those eyes, those heavy, sad eyes that looked at him so intensely.

Kihyun screamed when he was suddenly pushed to the ground, a body colliding with his own as it sent them falling. Kihyun closed his eyes and fought with all his might, but the other person was stronger, so much stronger as they pinned Kihyun down easily. They shielded the rain from his face as they leaned over him, and he was too scared to look, too scared to see those intense eyes staring down at him once more. Kihyun could feel himself start to cry as the other watched, but the hands on his wrists only tightened, the person leaning in even more as they forced their warmth onto Kihyun instead. Kihyun sobbed as he heard the rain and felt the eyes, and he felt the fear slowly take over him, his head pounding until the point where he was crying from pain instead, gritting his teeth as he let out a loud sob.

“Fuck…” Kihyun could hear through the rain, the deep voice that sent shivers through him vibrating through his body. Kihyun started to struggle again, but the more he struggled, the more his head hurt, his fight giving up easily as he let out a small groan. The hands on his wrists loosened up, but he could still feel the other’s weight on him, and their heavy gaze, his body sinking further into the cement beneath him as he continued to cry.

“Kihyun!” Someone suddenly yelled, and the heavy body was pushed off of him, a new warmth and lightness taking him over as the person pulled him up off the ground and into a tight embrace instead. Kihyun gasped as he finally opened his eyes, and he saw Minhyuk there, holding him as they both became drenched with rain. Kihyun cried as his head pounded, and Minhyuk trembled, worry consuming him as he watched his friend try to overcome his own struggles. “Kihyun…” Minhyuk said again, his voice softer as Kihyun clung onto him tighter. Kihyun sobbed as he hid his face in Minhyuk’s neck, and the other looked over his shoulder, looking towards the man with the heavy gaze as he stayed on the ground, watching the rain hit the cement below him.

“We should get him to a hospital,” Minhyuk said, loud enough for Changkyun to hear him in the pouring rain outside. Changkyun didn’t even think before standing, and he grabbed Kihyun, picking him up and off the ground as Minhyuk slid out of his embrace, the boy only trembling and closing his eyes once he was close to Changkyun again. “Will you be able to carry him?” Minhyuk asked as he stood up and walked towards his friend, pushing his hair back to reveal the new wound to his head from his fall.

“Yeah,” was all Changkyun said, and Minhyuk nodded, the three soaked boys making their way towards the nearest hospital, as Kihyun cried himself to blackness in Changkyun’s arms.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun awoke in his own house, his room dark as the curtains were shut all around him. He could still hear the rain though, and he sighed, feeling the sudden rush and pounding in his head. Kihyun reached up as he tentatively touched the small bandages there, and he let his hand fall, remembering everything that had happened quickly. He knew he made his friend worry again, and he knew that this sort of behavior after a break up wasn’t normal now, Kihyun crossing the line when he had his panic attack last night. Kihyun looked over at the clock and read the time, a small groan leaving his lips when he saw how early it was, and he slipped out of bed, his head still swimming as he slowly walked towards his living room.

Kihyun already knew who would be waiting for him when he saw all the rest of the lights in his house on, and he let out a small sigh, making his way over to Minhyuk and Hyuwnoo as they cuddled on his couch. Minhyuk looked up the moment Kihyun saw him, and he blinked, tears already filling in his eyes as his mouth hung open. Kihyun let himself fall into the arm rest next to the couch, and he pulled his legs up, crossing them before staring at the floor.

“You’re such an idiot…” Minhyuk suddenly whispered, sorrow playing in his voice as he continued to stare towards Kihyun. “Why couldn’t you just tell us something was wrong? Why do you always hide from us, Kihyun?” Minhyuk asked, and Kihyun frowned, scratching at the couch before looking at his friend.

“I wasn’t feeling good yesterday,” Kihyun softly said, and Minhyuk nodded, staying quiet as he looked down towards the boy.

“I’m sorry I invited Changkyun… I didn’t know you didn’t like him,” Hyunwoo said, and Kihyun sighed when he heard the name, looking up at his friends as he willed himself to give them a small smile.

“Yesterday was bad. A lot of things could have gone differently, but I was stuck inside my head, and I was scared to let people in there with me. I know I need to change,” Kihyun said, looking at the two sincerely.

“How are you going to do that, Kihyun?” Minhyuk softly asked, sitting forwards in his seat as he looked towards Kihyun with wide eyes.

“I’ll start seeing someone to talk out some things. And… I’ll let Changkyun check in with me every night. Just so someone knows that I’m okay,” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk slowly nodded, his hand resting on Hyunwoo’s thigh before speaking.

“Maybe you should try getting back into work? Just to get your mind off of things for a little bit,” Minhyuk offered, and Kihyun smiled, nodding his head as he agreed with the idea.

“I’ve used all my time off anyways, going back is my only option,” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk smiled, hearing Kihyun talk his usual way helping to ease him off some of his worry.

“Hey Kihyun… why don’t you like Changkyun?” Minhyuk suddenly asked, and Kihyun frowned, knowing this was coming, but not prepared to answer the question at all.

“He’s different. He looks at me differently, and I’m scared. Scared of myself, and how things might change the closer I get to him,” Kihyun admitted, and Minhyuk stayed quiet, staring contemplatively at the boy before Hyunwoo broke the silence.

“Change is what you want right now, Kihyun. If things don’t change, you won’t get any better,” Hyunwoo suddenly said, and Kihyun glanced up, his eyes widening when he heard Hyunwoo’s words. “Whatever you are going through, we can find ways to help you through it. But you need to be willing to accept our help, willing to help yourself,” Hyunwoo added, Kihyun nodding as he bit his bottom lip.

“I am willing. I-I’m more scared than anything to feel this way any longer,” Kihyun said, and Hyunwoo smiled warmly, nodding his head before glancing at Minhyuk.

“You know I’ll always be here for you, right?” Minhyuk asked, and Kihyun smiled, nodding his head as he raised his eyebrow at the other.

“Even when you annoy the shit out of me and I yell at you to leave, you stay. You’re not going anywhere, and even if you tried, I’d hunt you down and bring you right back,” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk chuckled, getting up from his seat as he waved Kihyun off.

“Sure, because I’m the annoying one,” Minhyuk teased, and Kihyun felt his gaze turn into a playful glare, reveling in the feeling of normality between the two, even if it was for only a little bit.

“You always steal my stuff, you goddamn klepto! Of course you’re annoying!” Kihyun yelled exaggeratedly, smirking when Minhyuk gasped loudly at the accusation. 

“I always say what’s mine is yours, but you never say the same for me!” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun stood up too, pointing his finger at Minhyuk while Hyunwoo watched the two amusedly.

“But I’ve never taken anything from you! You’re the one who is always raiding my fridge and stealing my xbox games!” Kihyun yelled, and the two froze, Minhyuk sputtering to find a comeback before they started to just laugh loudly, bending over as they held onto their stomachs.

“Food always tastes better when you don't buy it,” Minhyuk said with a wink, and Kihyun chuckled, shaking his head as he smiled towards his friend. Minhyuk smiled back before the two calmed down, and Kihyun was about to speak, a loud bang on the wall suddenly interrupting him. 

“You got to be fucking kidding me,” Kihyun groaned, and another bang was heard, Kihyun letting his shoulders hand as he trembled in anger. 

“Uh… Kihyun?” Minhyuk tried, but Kihyun went over to the wall, bringing his fists up to it before banging it a few times himself.

“Shut the fuck up! You’re giving me a headache!” Kihyun yelled, and he pushed his ear to the wall, scoffing when he heard classical music play through and into his ear. Kihyun leaned back when he heard no more banging, and he walked over to his friends, both staring at him in confusion as he only smirked triumphantly. “Say what you might, but he and I will never get along,” Kihyun said as he motioned to the wall, and he chuckled to himself as he fell back onto his chair, knowing that this was a start to a very new, and strange life.


	3. Chapter 3

Kihyun sat on his couch, staring out the window and at the rain as he bounced his knee up and down nervously. This was the first night Changkyun would come to visit him, and he still felt awkward about the whole situation, about how he felt about him, and about the way he ended up treating him last time. He disliked the boy more than he ever thought he could for anyone, but he didn’t know where that hate was centered on. He just felt the tightness in his chest when he thought about the boy and the sad eyes he bared, and he could feel his hands clench by his side, knowing it was wrong to unjustifiably hate someone even if he knew it was there.

Kihyun heard a rumble of thunder in the air, and he knew that something was already wrong, his body shaking from fear of the sound. It wasn’t like he was terrified of thunder, but the sound was attached to worse memories. The worse the rain, the worse the memories he remembered. Kihyun pulled his legs up onto the couch as he held them close to his chest, and he started to count the seconds down, a trick he had been taught by the old lady at his orphanage. If he just focused on counting, then he could push his mind past the stuff in his head, past the nightmares that plagued him day and night.

He knew it was wrong for his desires to want his previous love back, but as an adult he had never known anything different than him. He felt like a part of him was missing, even if the part contained fiery words and stinging palms. He knew he shouldn’t miss him, but he just felt so alone, his head swimming with him, his touches, the good moments, the bad ones too. Kihyun felt himself shiver more when he could see his smiling face in his head, the smile that held so many lies. The smile that dropped the moment Kihyun would say one wrong thing. The moment Kihyun would say “I love you.”

There was a sudden knock at the door, a flash of lightning brightening up his apartment as the ground rumbled, the storm so much closer than before. Kihyun slowly let one leg drop to the floor at a time before standing up, and he gulped, making his way over to the door before pausing. One more knock was heard, and Kihyun lifted his hand, his eyes shaking as his hand stopped short of the door knob. Kihyun felt like he was stuck, that his body wasn’t listening to him anymore, and he gazed up at his door, already feeling the intense eyes that stared at him behind it.

“I know you’re there, just open it already,” the boy suddenly said, and Kihyun blinked, staying silent for a few more seconds before letting out a shuddering breath, his hand moving forward to grasp the handle tighty and twist. The door popped open, and Kihyun immediately let his gaze fall to the floor, the boy of his fears in the flesh in front of him, staring at him, judging him. Kihyun took a step back and the other pushed past him, his footsteps echoing into the room as he gazed around Kihyun’s apartment. “Wow, this place is even better than mine,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun still stood by the door, his eyes wide as he kept them attached to the floor. Kihyun could hear a sigh flow through the room before the sound of creaking cushions, and then the eyes on his back, staring at him, gazing right through him.

“I don’t know what to say, Kihyun. I want to be friends. I want to show you that I won’t hurt you,” Changkyun suddenly said, throwing his arm over the back cushions as he hardened his gaze towards Kihyun. Kihyun let out a small gasp as he shivered, and he turned slowly on his feet, letting his own gaze finally pull up before landing on the boy.

Kihyun could feel a cold wash over him when he saw those eyes again, their intensity the same as always. He could feel his heart beat faster in his chest, the tightness returning as Changkyun let his eyes travel all over the features of his face, picking out his flaws, his scars. Kihyun brought his hand up to clench the side of his arm, and Changkyun stayed quiet, observing the boy and his behavior before letting out a small sigh again. Changkyun looked away, and everything collapsed inside of Kihyun, an empty pit returning again that he had no desire to fill.

“I’m sorry…” Changkyun suddenly said as he looked towards the floor, Kihyun’s breath catching at the sound of his low voice again. “I never meant to hurt you,” Changkyun said, his gaze coming back up as it caught the bandage on his head. Kihyun blinked before reaching up, and he touched the bandage, hissing when he felt the pain behind the wound. He had forgotten about his own injury in the time he was left alone to his own thoughts, and the night in the rain flashed before his eyes, a rumble shaking the apartment once more as thunder erupted.

“Who are you?” Kihyun whispered, avoiding Changkyun’s eyes and looking down at his face instead. Kihyun caught something on his cheek, a poorly covered up bruise of sorts, but he ignored it, glancing towards the couch instead as he took a daring step forward.

“Just a friendly neighbor checking in,” Changkyun replied, and Kihyun sighed, nodding his head as he moved to sit on the chair next to the couch. Kihyun immediately pulled his legs up into his chest again as he hid his head in them, and Changkyun watched him, his lips thinning into a thin line as he sat up slightly. “Minhyuk’s worried,” Changkyun said, breaking the silence, and Kihyun scoffed, lifting up his head while avoiding Changkyun’s gaze.

“He’s always worried, I don’t know how to show him I’m okay. It would be better for him to visit than you,” Kihyun said, bitterness seeping into his tone as his words echoed through his house. Another flash pooled through the windows, and the loudest snap of thunder rumbled through the air, pushing past Kihyun until he could feel it in his bones. Kihyun gasped as he hid his head once more, and he trembled, aware of the eyes that watched his every movement next to him.

“But I wanted to visit. It was my idea, actually,” Changkyun revealed, sitting forward on the couch as he got a better look at the shaken boy. His face was pale, and the bags under his eyes seemed endless, a sign that he wasn’t getting much sleep lately.

“I don’t need help from you,” Kihyun spat, and Changkyun chuckled, nodding his head as he licked his bottom lip.

“I’ve saved a lot of people, Kihyun. I can try to save you too,” Changkyun said, but Kihyun only shook his head, wishing more than anything that the boy would be swept away with the rain, to never see him again as he only fades into a distant memory.

“I-I don’t need to be saved…” Kihyun sadly whispered, and with the next flash of lightning Kihyun yelped, pushing himself to cave in even more as he trembled harder. Changkyun sighed as he stood up from the couch, and Kihyun felt something drape over him, his own blanket now sitting on top of his body and covering his head. Kihyun blinked when he saw the darkness around him, and his trembles came to a stop, the light from the storm outside no longer able to be seen with the blanket. Before Kihyun could speak, he started to hear classical music too, and the sound was soft and loud at the same time, drowning out the rumbles from the thunder outside.

“I think everyone needs to be saved once in a while,” Changkyun whispered, his deep voice so much closer as he leaned over Kihyun’s small covered form. “I can see it in your eyes, Kihyun, the sadness that you try to disguise with anger. Why are you trying to hide it from the people who want to get close to you?” Changkyun asked, sitting on the arm rest of the chair as he looked at Kihyun. A rumble of thunder went through the apartment once more, but it was drowned out by the light music, Kihyun feeling like he could finally breathe again since the storm started.

“I don’t know…” Kihyun whispered, flashes of his face appearing before his eyes again. “I need to hide it. I can’t let them know, I can’t let him see me like this,” Kihyun continued, his eyes closing in the darkness as the tears softly dripped down his cheeks.

“We’ve already seen it,” Changkyun suddenly said, Kihyun’s breath catching as he let out a dry sob. Changkyun pulled away from the chair and Kihyun cried harder, shaking his head as the blanket slowly fell off to reveal the small, crying boy.

“N-no, no… you’re lying!” Kihyun yelled, and Changkyun stared at him, his gaze heavy as he watched the suffering boy on the chair.

“Breathe, Kihyun,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun gasped, taking full bodied breaths into his lungs as he sputtered around his sobs. Kihyun breathed harshly until he felt the panic in him subside, and he brought the blanket up, rubbing it into his eyes as he frowned towards the floor.

“I don’t l-like you,” Kihyun whispered, Changkyun only letting out a small hum as he nodded his head.

“I don’t think you really mean that,” Changkyun said as he moved towards the door.

“You make me feel weird. Your eyes scare me,” Kihyun said, and he glanced up at the other, noticing even more bruises than he had seen before. Kihyun caught Changkyun’s gaze, and just like that he was locked on, unable to move away as the other read right through him.

“They scare a lot of people, Kihyun,” Changkyun whispered, and he turned the volume up on the classical music, putting down the small remote he was secretly holding before turning to Kihyun once more. “Have a good night,” Changkyun said, and he walked out the door, shutting it softly behind him and leaving Kihyun in his lonesome once more.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun and Minhyuk sat opposite of each other at their favorite small breakfast restaurant, Kihyun staring out the window and taking notice of all the different colored umbrellas people held over their head. Kihyun held his yellow one by his side, and Minhyuk watched over him, leaning forward in his seat before taking the straw from his drink into his mouth, slurping loudly until Kihyun glanced over at him with a harsh glare. Minhyuk chuckled as he sat back, and he crossed his arms across his chest, arching an eyebrow at his friend as Kihyun let out a loud sigh.

“Just fucking say it already,” Kihyun groaned, and Minhyuk sat up, grabbing his drink straw before twirling it in his glass of soda.

“How was Changkyun last night? He said that he’d be as nice as possible,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun groaned, sinking further into his seat before letting his head fall towards his lap.

“Can we never speak about him again?” Kihyun pleaded, but Minhyuk shook his head, smirking as he let go of his straw.

“Seriously, give me the details,” Minhyuk begged, and Kihyun glanced up at him, glaring as he frowned.

“He helped me through the storm, that’s all,” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk slowly nodded, leaning back in his seat before looking out the window.

“It was pretty bad. I can’t remember the last time was when you were okay with storms like that…” Minhyuk said thoughtfully, and Kihyun nodded, feeling his frown almost deepen as he looked towards his friend. “Nothing else then? No hot, anger sex?” Minhyuk asked, smirking as Kihyun whipped his head all the way up and sputtered.

“Wha- What?! I don’t ever want him to touch me!” Kihyun yelled, a furious blush taking over his face as some of the people in the restaurant turned to look at him. Minhyuk only smirked as he watched Kihyun sink further into the bench, before letting out a dramatic sigh, looking around the restaurant before replying.

“So, what if you were the one touching him? I know how much you love your switch side, even if your ex never let it shine through,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun groaned loudly, bringing his hands up to hold his head as he let it fall forward and hit the table.

“Minhyuk, please shut the fuck up,” Kihyun begged, and Minhyuk chuckled, eyeing his friend before letting his smile slowly drop.

“I heard you start work today,” Minhyuk suddenly said, changing the subject as Kihyun lifted his head and glanced at his friend.

“Who told you that?” Kihyun asked, and Minhyuk glanced towards his drink, letting out a small sigh before looking back up at Kihyun.

“Wonho. He told me he’s really excited to see you again,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun nodded, figuring he would be the only one who could tell Minhyuk that.

“Yeah… it’ll be good to get back into it all again. I’m sure seeing Wonho again will help too,” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk laughed, nodding his head as he smiled fondly at his friend.

Wonho and Kihyun met when they first started at their jobs as interns, slowly building their way up the line at the same time as their friendship. Kihyun wasn’t as close to him as he was with Minhyuk, but it was a close second, the third party often joining Minhyuk and Kihyun when they had their weekend outings. Since Kihyun left for the time being, Wonho had been picking up his extra work, the only reason their company allowed Kihyun to take so much time off in the first place. Wonho was always kind and Kihyun owed him so much, and he would make sure to work hard when he got back, to show Wonho that it wasn’t all for nothing. The two worked at a business firm in the financial department, the job well paying but the lowest of their own department. They were still seen as new, but the two had potential, knowing that someday if they worked hard, they would make it to the top. The company sold theft protection equipment, including cameras, sensors, alarms systems, and invisible fences. Kihyun knew a lot about what he sold, and unfortunately that could hold a risk for him, and the major buildings that partnered with his company for help.

“Wonho’s been crying over the phone for the last few days, telling me how much he misses you, as well as how much less sleep he’s been getting. Maybe take up some of his work and let him take a few days off himself,” Minhyuk suggested, Kihyun nodding his head as he already planned to do that for his friend. The food they had ordered soon arrived, and the two dug in, Kihyun always ordering the same pancake dish, as Minhyuk always switched things around. “I’m not going to stop Changkyun from seeing you, by the way. I think he’ll be able to help you more than you think,” Minhyuk suddenly said as he put his fork down, the conversation turning serious as Kihyun froze.

“No… he won’t,” Kihyun whispered, and Minhyuk shook his head, crossing his arms as he leaned back into his seat.

“Maybe the more you see him, the more you’ll start to like him. Try going to visit his place once in a while, instead of him always coming to you,” Minhyuk offered, and Kihyun shook his head as he clenched his fork tightly into his fist, his knuckles turning white the longer he held on.

“No, I don’t want to. I don’t want to see him,” Kihyun said through gritted teeth, and Minhyuk sighed, gazing over Kihyun and his angry expression before waving him off.

“You’ll get used to him someday. There’s nothing wrong with him, he’s just a caring guy who wants to help,” Minhyuk said, and he moved back into his food, taking a bite as Kihyun’s eyes flashed with anger.

Kihyun didn’t know where the hatred in him started off for the other, but it was there, consuming his thoughts whenever the other was brought up. It took Kihyun years to start confiding in Minhyuk, and this boy just shows up, claiming he could help Kihyun and save him. Kihyun was unsavable. He was damaged and ruined, he didn’t even deserve to have a friend like Minhyuk by his side, and he knew he was selfish for always assuming he would just be there. But Changkyun didn’t wait for Kihyun to ask him to stay, he just barged in, and the worst part was that he was right. He had helped Kihyun, and he did make him feel better, even if it was for a short moment. The thought that this intense stranger had the power to break Kihyun apart and put him back together scared him, the other digging so deep into Kihyun until he pulls out his worst fears and darkest secrets. Kihyun was scared to let anybody see who he truly was, and he hated that Changkyun might be able to do it, to expose him to his friends and family for the monster that lies within.

“It’s not a matter of if I get used to him, it’s just that he makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like it when he looks at me,” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk just silently ate, his own heart aching for his friend even as he pretended to not feel that way for his sake. Kihyun was quick to finish his food before suddenly standing up, and he grabbed his yellow umbrella, putting money on the table before glancing behind him at his friend. “I’m going to take a walk, I’ll see you later,” Kihyun said, cutting off Minhyuk before he could say anything. Kihyun stomped out of the restaurant before turning on the street, and he walked, as far away from his friend as possible as he gritted his teeth and felt the water splash onto his face.

Kihyun knew he was being unreasonable, but that thought itself did nothing for the pain in his chest, for the ache in his heart. Kihyun pulled out his phone as he walked, opening up his messenger app before reading through old text messages. He read the conversation between him and his lover, mostly one sided, but Kihyun was too blinded at the time to think otherwise. He stopped when he saw that he had texted him about his own birthday, and he remembered how the other hadn’t even answered him, only seeing him after the day had passed without any congratulations at all. Kihyun felt himself start to shake in anger as he pushed his phone back into his pocket, and he decided to just walk home, his head hung as the rain pattered down onto the bright yellow umbrella.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun made it back, a sigh leaving his lips as he opened his front door and put the umbrella away. The house felt stagnant, heat seeping into it as humidity stuck onto the couches and furniture. Kihyun took in a deep breath before making his way forward, and he stopped by the kitchen, making himself a quick cup of tea before heading over to his living room. He put his glasses on that were sitting on the coffee table before putting his mug down, and he climbed onto his old couch, folding his legs to the side before looking out the window. Kihyun frowned when he saw the rain and the reminders once more, but he shook his head, instead reaching for a book next to where he had kept his glasses.

Kihyun had a few hours before he had to get ready, his own shift starting later in the day along with Wonho’s. He needed to get his mind off of things, his first half of the day ruined by evil thoughts and uncomfortable conversations. While he knew Minhyuk always had his best interest in mind, the other had pushed him too far, Kihyun feeling like he could do nothing but run away again. Kihyun pulled his legs in tighter to himself as he glanced around the house, feeling oddly distressed now that he was alone again. The walls around him acted like a barrier from the outside world most of the time, but it was a cage in disguise, holding him captive and away from the things that could truly help him. And Kihyun knew that, but he wasn’t willing to leave and find those things just yet.

Kihyun started to read the book, letting it distract him for an hour before he heard a loud knock on the wall, the inevitable sign that the other was home next to him. Kihyun closed his eyes as he let out a deep, shaky breath, and he stood up, shutting the book gently before placing it on the table. Kihyun didn’t have enough energy to fight with the other, and instead he walked over to the wall, placing his palms against it before his ear, trying to listen in and see if he could hear anything.

The first thing he heard was the classical music, the melody swaying and bouncing off the walls with light notes. The next was muffled speaking, a low voice, a higher voice, and a harsher voice. Kihyun felt his eyebrows furrow in confusion when the harsher voice grew even louder, and he couldn’t hear the low one at all, the harsh one taking over the conversation completely. Kihyun suddenly felt the pit in his stomach fill with worry, a strange sensation for him to feel for someone like Changkyun, and he pushed off the wall, quickly looking around the room before dashing to the kitchen to find a glass cup.

Kihyun returned to the wall before placing the glass against it, and his ear against the glass, the harsh voice coming in clearer now that he had fixed the muffled problem. Kihyun closed his eyes before biting his lip nervously, and he held his breath, his stomach dropping the moment he could make out the words spoken behind the wall. “He’s mad, you know? You made him mad, and now he wants you to fuckin’ pay for it,” the harsh voice barked, Kihyun’s eyes furrowing more as he tried harder to listen in.

“Fine. Just get it over with, I’m busy later,” he heard Changkyun said, and a loud crash was heard, a few swears being thrown around before a voice spoke again.

“Punks like you don’t get to have an attitude with us. We treat you like the dogs you are, and you just shut up and listen,” the man growled, Kihyun’s head spinning when he didn’t hear Changkyun reply back. Another crash was heard, this time louder, and someone started to laugh, the voices growing closer and closer to the wall Kihyun was listening against. “Pathetic,” the man spat, and the voices ended, loud footsteps walking through the apartment before the door next to Kihyun’s slammed shut. Kihyun held his breath until he knew that the other person had left, and he pushed his ear closer to the glass, trying to listen to see what had happened, and unfortunately, if Changkyun was alright.

Kihyun pulled away when all he heard was silence, and he let his hand fall to the side, his hand clenching down on the glass tightly as his head spun. Kihyun hated Changkyun, hated the boy for seeing right through Kihyun and his ruse, hated him for thinking he knew how to help him. But Kihyun could never hate someone so much he would stop himself from seeing if they were okay, and now Kihyun was faced with that dilemma, if he should go and check on the boy. He knew nothing about Changkyun, only his first name, and he didn’t know what type of life he led outside of his apartment. But, if he was hurt and Kihyun didn’t pull the courage together to help, then he would never be able to forgive himself for what happened to him.

Kihyun moved slowly over to his couch as he stared at the floor, his heart beating widely in his chest as he knew what the right thing to do was. Kihyun took a deep breath before putting the glass in his hand down, and he closed his eyes, taking the moment to collect himself before making his way to the front door. Kihyun didn’t know how he would be able to help, or even if the other would need it. He just needed to make sure the other was okay, and then he would leave and ignore him from this point on. Someone like him probably was too nice to have enemies anyways, and Kihyun was sure he was worrying for nothing, chuckling under his breath as he opened the front door.

Kihyun glanced at the door right next to his own, the same peeling paint, and the same tilted number, Kihyun feeling his heart clench the moment he knew he was about to come face to face with the man he despised again. Kihyun took a step towards the door as his breathing picked up, and he waited, waited for a sign that the other was alright, for laughter, or just something that told Kihyun he didn’t need to see the other to know he was alright. But when Kihyun heard silence mixed with classical music, his heart stammered, his hand lifting, and a loud knock echoing down the hall and through his two ears.

Kihyun held his breath as he listened again, but there was no sign of life, nothing that sounded like someone coming to open the door. Kihyun frowned before knocking again, and he admitted that he was worried now, his hand stretching down to the doorknob to see if it was locked. Kihyun gasped when he twisted it and it opened, and he glanced behind the door, the music louder now, but the apartment dark, nothing that spoke of any signs of life to give his neighbor away. Kihyun took a tentative step inside as he gulped, and he took a deep breath, his next plan seeing if anyone would respond to his call,

“H-Hello? Is anyone i-in here?” Kihyun asked, his voice stuttering as nervousness consumed him. Kihyun paused in his steps as he heard a small crackling sound a few feet away, and he whipped his head towards it, squinting until he realized he wouldn’t be able to see anything without the lights on. “I-I’m going to turn on the lights, okay?” Kihyun said, and he reached his hand towards the wall, blindly looking for the light switch as he held his breath. Kihyun stumbled around until he felt the small switch, and he flipped it up, his eyes closing the moment the blinding light lit up the room.

Kihyun blinked a few times as he tried to get used to the bright lights, and he slowly turned around, eyeing the room as his eyes widened on their own. A gasp left his lips when he saw the shattered glass, and the broken table besides it, a boy laying on the ground a few inches from the small disaster. Kihyun trembled as he stared, and he slowly gazed over the body, his eyes moving up and up, until they suddenly connected with a heavy gaze of its own. Kihyun took a step back as he saw Changkyun staring up at him from the floor, his teeth gritted and his eyes glaring, a warning for Kihyun to not get any closer. Kihyun felt all his fear leave him at once, and the strange sensation of sorrow took over him, the man on the floor reminding him of himself a few times back. Kihyun fell to the floor onto his knees, and Changkyun watched him crawl forward, the other trying to push himself back when Kihyun was almost close enough to touch him.

“Stay back, you’ll get hurt,” Changkyun warned, glass on the ground digging into him as he tried to move. Kihyun paused as he looked down himself and he stopped, staring at the floor before gritting his own teeth.

“You’re so annoying… why should I even care about what happens to you?” Kihyun mumbled to himself, feeling a sense of pity and rage swirl around him. Changkyun stayed quiet as he watched the other and their inner struggle, and Kihyun glanced up at him, his heart restricting the moment his eyes connected with his own. “Why should I care?!” Kihyun suddenly screamed, his head hurting as a sense of longing and sorrow took over him. Kihyun felt the tears fall as he made his way forward again, and Changkyun watched him with sad eyes, his body shaking as he tried to pull himself up and together.

“You don’t need to care. I’m nothing,” Changkyun suddenly whispered, and Kihyun nodded his head, glaring at the other as he reached his side.

“I know. You are nothing. Nothing to me, but something to my friend. Something he wants to help me,” Kihyun said, and he saw a large cut on the boy’s arm, bleeding out and swelling due to the broken glass around him. Kihyun reached down and tore away a piece of his own shirt, before wrapping it around the cut tightly, and pulling the boy up and out of the glass. “And I promised him I would let you try,” Kihyun said, turning around as he helped the boy fall onto his back before wrapping his arms under his thighs. “So you can’t just leave us yet,” Kihyun said, and he stood up on shaky legs, the weight of his heart and the boy pulling him down as he forced himself forward, walking away from the glass, out of his apartment, and into his own, where he helped the boy onto his own couch before looking away with teary eyes.

“You’re so confusing, Kihyun,” Changkyun chuckled, staring up at the boy with heavy eyes as he panted from the pain. Kihyun scoffed as he looked away, and he closed his eyes, letting out a shaky breath before replying.

“I feel confused. I don’t know why I’m like this. I don’t like feeling like this, and I don’t like you,” Kihyun said, taking a step back as he moved to find his first aid kit. Changkyun watched him move around the room slowly before coming back with a white box, and he knelt in front of the panting boy, anger still apparent in his appearance, but the worry in his eyes a great contrast to what he was trying to pretend.

“Why don’t you like me?” Changkyun whispered, his eyes watching Kihyun’s hand as it moved towards the first few cuts on his thighs. Kihyun didn’t answer as he worked, keeping his gaze only on the cuts and not on the boy’s face, too scared to reveal himself any further to the boy watching him through it all. Kihyun could still feel the tears slowly fall down his cheeks, and when he suddenly felt a soft hand cup it, he trembled harder, pushing back the bite he wanted to take at the soft, gentle touch. “Why are you crying?” Changkyun asked, and Kihyun shook his head, giving it his all to stay quiet as he only cried harder. Changkyun slowly moved to lift Kihyun’s head up, and he was too exhausted to fight, closing his eyes as Changkyun got a better look at his tear stained face.

“Please…” Kihyun softly begged, and Changkyun sighed, keeping his gaze on the other for a few more moments before letting go of him, Kihyun letting out a small sob as he got back to work. Kihyun climbed onto the couch as he fixed the boy up, careful to not miss any spots, and Changkyun continued to watch him through it, Kihyun’s chest tight as long as he felt the gaze on his body. He finished in silence, before falling onto the other side of the couch, the white box falling to the floor, and his own body curling up into a tight ball, the tears flowing freely as he grabbed at his head to hold himself still. Kihyun felt the pain of confusion through him, and he hated the desire he had to help the other boy, hated the worry he suddenly felt for him, hated his gentle soft touches, just hate, hate, hate, hate.

Changkyun stood up suddenly from the couch as he stared down at Kihyun, noticing his weak form as he curled into himself. Changkyun stayed quiet as he moved away, and Kihyun pulled his teary face up to watch the other walk into his kitchen, opening up the freezer and pulling out a small thing of ice cream, before looking around for a spoon. Changkyun let his gaze fall on Kihyun the moment he came over again, and Kihyun sniffled, eyeing the ice cream before looking up at the boy himself. “Here,” Changkyun said, placing the icecream on the table in front of him before moving to the chair. Changkyun fell back onto it with a groan, and Kihyun could see small amounts of blood spotting in his bandages, the boy resting his elbow on the arm rest before holding his head up with his hand and watching Kihyun with his heavy gaze.

Kihyun sat up slowly as he sniffled again, and he rubbed the tears away, reaching for the icecream before taking it into his hands to eat. Kihyun took a big bite as he glanced at the other, and Changkyun smirked at him, the look alone making Kihyun’s blood boil again. “How did you know I was hurt?” Changkyun asked, squirming around a little on the chair as he tried to reposition himself. Kihyun took another bite before frowning at the boy, and he looked away, gazing out the window instead and towards the rain clouds in the sky.

“I could hear it happening. I hear everything from your room, it’s pretty annoying,” Kihyun said, and Changkyun gazed at him silently, his face still as he seemed to think things through.

“Did you hear anything before I got hurt?” Changkyun asked, and Kihyun looked over at him, deciding at that moment he wouldn’t let the other know that Kihyun had heard, that Kihyun had now learned something more than just his name.

“No,” Kihyun quietly said, and Changkyun seemed relieved, smiling as he nodded his head.

“I just fell, if you’re wondering. Took a good tumble,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun glanced at the lying boy, finding humor in the fact that they were both hiding secrets now.

“Yeah…” Kihyun drawled, and he looked out the window, slowly eating his ice cream, as he felt the silence surrounding them once more, and those sad, heavy eyes pierce into his soul.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of past rape in this chapter. Kihyun breaks down fully, starts to dissociate more.

Kihyun held the yellow umbrella over his head, the sound of the rain hitting it less comforting than most people would consider it to be. He let out a sigh as his head fell forward slightly, and he stopped suddenly, the sound of footsteps coming to a stop behind him as well. Kihyun could feel that gaze on his back as he tried to forget it was there, but he gritted his teeth, turning his head enough to glare at the person walking behind him. They held no umbrella, just a hoodie over their body, some of the bandages Kihyun had put over them showing through the sleeve of the clothes. Kihyun watched as the water turned the grey hoodie dark, weighing the other down as they stared silently back at Kihyun, the other feeling his chest tighten the longer they stood silently staring at one another in the heavy rain.

Kihyun had left for work not long ago, the other boy staying at his house and watching over him the entire time. Kihyun had wished for him to leave, but he was still injured, so Kihyun gave in, letting them stay until it was time to go to work. But luck had never been on his side, and it so happened the other planned to follow him there as well, baring no umbrella, and looking like a fool as he followed behind a man with a bright yellow one. Kihyun hadn’t spoken a word to the other since he had started getting ready, and he wondered what was going through his head, why he was following him, and what he got out of being soaked in rain while he was still injured.

A car rushed past them, hitting a puddle as the muddy water splashed up, hitting Changkyun and soaking him all the more. But he stayed still, keeping his heavy sad gaze on Kihyun, and the longer he stared the more Kihyun felt like he couldn’t breath, his head swimming, and the rain deafening, his chest heaving as he gripped onto the umbrella tighter. Changkyun let his gaze drag down Kihyun’s face, and Kihyun took the moment to watch the water drip from the ends of his hair, the boy completely soaked to the bone, but uncaring through it all. It was confusing, and it made Kihyun angry, seeing someone like this, pathetic and wet as they kept their own thoughts to themselves.

Kihyun turned around when he felt he could breath no longer, and he hurried forward, almost running as the puddles beneath him splashed and went through his shoes. Kihyun could feel the moisture in the air as he forced himself to breathe it in, and the whole time those heavy eyes as well, still staring at him, watching him, waiting for something to happen. Kihyun shook his head as he started to run faster, and Changkyun kept his pace, even as he turned a corner and whipped around, his glare fiery and his lips twitching in rage.

“Why don’t you have an umbrella?!” Kihyun screamed, placing a palm against the wall he was next to and leaning against it as he heaved for air. Changkyun came to a slow stop in front of him as he continued to stare, and he glanced up at the umbrella, the corners of his lips curling into a ghost of a smile as he locked his eyes back on with Kihyun’s own. 

“I lost it,” Chankgyun said, and Kihyun growled, taking a step closer to the other before looking up at him.

“You’re not normal, normal people don’t follow people in the rain without an umbrella. Leave me alone,” Kihyun said, but Changkyun stayed quiet, his lips a straight line as he kept his sad gaze on Kihyun’s eyes, looking between them, trying to figure the other even more than he already had. Changkyun reached forward, but Kihyun smacked his hand away, his hand balling into a fist as he held it by his side. “Why are you following me?!” Kihyun screamed, and he felt his legs shake, threatening to give in as his head started to swim.

“To make sure you would be okay,” Chankgyun said, and Kihyun scoffed, using the wall to stand up before avoiding the other’s eyes once more.

“You don’t need to do that. I don’t want you to do that,” Kihyun spat at the other, but he only smiled, shaking his head as he silently watched Kihyun. Kihyun let out a huff of frustration before turning away from the other, and like that they were walking again, Kihyun dry under his yellow umbrella, and Changkyun soaked and injured as he walked slowly in the rain.

Kihyun made it all the way to his business, Changkyun glancing up as his eyes widened at the building. He saw the name before watching the boy slip inside, and Kihyun never looked back, dropping his umbrella to the wet cement as he shut the glass doors behind him. Changkyun stared at the boy’s back before glancing at the umbrella, and he smiled to himself, picking it up from the ground with a groan, and limping his way back home, now protected by the yellow umbrella.

~~~~~~~~

“Kihyun!” Wonho screamed, scaring the other workers as he jumped over a cubicle, making his way over to Kihyun as he stood shocked by the doorway. Everything looked the same, desks in white and grey, and the sounds of keys typing, as dull as the day it was made, and as dull as the day he had left. Kihyun watched Wonho run over to him before taking him into a big hug, and he crushed the smaller in his embrace, Kihyun gasping as he tried to push his friend off of him.

“Are you trying to suffocate me?” Kihyun asked as he gasped for air, and Wonho let him go, sheepishly smiling at him as he rubbed the back of his neck.

“Sorry, I haven’t seen you in so long, I was worried,” Wonho said, and Kihyun ended up smiling, a small chuckle leaving his lips as he glanced out the window and at the rainy street, a yellow umbrella sticking out to him as they made their way away from his work.

“Don’t worry, I’m here to stay. Can’t leave you on your own for two long, who knows what would happen then,” Kihyun said with a chuckle, and Wonho laughed too, his smile genuine as it brightened up his eyes. Kihyun stared at his friend as he wondered where that happiness was coming from, but the other started to move, Kihyun now following as they made their ways to their own desks.

Kihyun’s smile fell the moment he saw his desk, stripped of the photos and memories he had used to decorate it. Wonho stood behind as he watched the other and his reaction, and Kihyun fell into his seat, the bland white color making him nauseous as everything disappeared. Before he had left work, there had been pictures of him and his previous lover, pictures of their trip together, of fun movie nights Kihyun insisted they had. Now there was nothing, and it felt like his heart was being torn in two, Wonho placing his hand on his shoulder and grounding him as he let out a sigh.

“I thought it would be best if I got rid of reminders… I’m sorry if you’re upset,” Wonho said, and Kihyun blankly stared at his desk, knowing the things that used to be there, but his mind fuzzy as he tried to remember them all.

“Where are they?” Kihyun softly asked, and Wonho bent down, opening up the bottom draw of his desk before glancing up at the sitting boy.

“I just got them out of sight, but I couldn’t throw them away. That’s for you to decide,” Wonho said, and Kihyun slowly nodded, glancing at the pictures in his desk as his heart tore once more, his face coming into view, and the lights of the building going out as all he could see was him. Kihyun felt scared, his eyes attached to the smiling face next to his own, and he felt the tears build up, his heart racing and his chest tightening. Sound was soon gone too, and all that was left was a distant buzzing, swirling around his head as he tried to pull himself back, but there he was, and he was smiling, and Kihyun didn’t know what he was doing anymore.

Kihyun gasped when Wonho shut the draw, the face now gone from his sight, and the lights blinking back into existence around the room. Kihyun clutched onto the edge of his desk as he bent forward, his eyes shutting as his body trembling. Wonho moved his hand to Kihyun’s back, and he slowly rubbed up and down, helping to break down the boy completely, before building him up again.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Wonho said, and Kihyun held back his tears, shaking his head as he stared down at his desk.

“Wonho… could you please get rid of them for me? When I’m not here?” Kihyun asked, and Wonho glanced at him, slowly nodding his head as his face twisted into sympathy for the other.

“Of course,” Wonho said, and Kihyun let out a shaky breath, eyeing the desk draw before shaking his head. Wonho had hid the pictures away, but the damage had been done, and more memories came to mind, surely to follow him into his dreams later in the night.

Wonho stepped away from Kihyun when he leaned back into his chair, and a silence fell over the two, Kihyun feeling sorry for acting this way in front of a friend he hadn’t seen in a while. Kihyun looked over at Wonho before forcing a smile, and he picked up a small folder that was on his desk, one that had the recent work that the two would need to accomplish. Kihyun got to work without saying another word, and Wonho sighed, moving back to sit at his own desk while glancing at Kihyun, knowing how much more was going on in his mind, but not to help him through it all. 

The shift was longer than Kihyun was used to, the work seeming more complicated after not having to do it for a while, but soon his head was stuck in that, a much needed distraction from the desk and the forbidden draw inside of it. Kihyun’s glasses fell down as he worked, and Wonho had brought him a few cups of tea, fixing his glasses each time before working on his own papers. The two only carried light conversations, but Kihyun was scared, scared of bringing up the past, of saying one wrong thing to rip away the mend Wonho had tried to help create. Wonho held fear too, the fear of losing a friend by speaking the unspeakable.

By the time work was done, the rain had only started to fall harder, and Kihyun stood in front of the glass doors, his hands clenched into fists at his side as anger flowed through him. He didn’t know what made him give his new umbrella away to the man he hated the most, but now he had it, keeping Kihyun from staying dry, and allowing the memories to beat down on him the whole way home. Kihyun looked into the dark sky and the few people on the sidewalk, and he reached a shaky hand forward, pushing the door open before stepping outside into the misty, warm air.

Yellow. Kihyun saw yellow appear before him, his heart leaping the moment it blocked his view from the rain, from the people. Yellow. The yellow casting a warm glow over him as it twirled in the air. Yellow. As Kihyun felt his hands itch forward, his eyes widen, and his lips twitch into a smile. Yellow. The same yellow umbrella Kihyun had been gifted before, now in the hands of the person he despised the most.

Kihyun stopped short from grabbing the umbrella, his moment of fantasia ending when he saw the sad eyes, felt the heavy gaze on his face. His smile fell and he took a step back, but the person followed, holding the umbrella even higher as he smiled towards Kihyun. His bandages were gone, and his cuts and bruises now showed, but misery had left him as well, the boy back to normal, and his eyes almost shining with more comfort than before. Kihyun decided that he also now hated this man that much more.

Kihyun pushed the other, his teeth baring as he jogged past him, pushing into the rain and away from the comfort of yellow. Changkyun stayed frozen in his spot as he watched Kihyun run past him, his smile falling, and his hand clenching harder onto the umbrella. All Kihyun knew was that he wanted to get home, but the rain weighed him down the moment it hit him, his breath catching in his throat, and his footsteps heavy, slowly coming to a stop until he stood on a cross walk in the middle of an empty street. Kihyun could see as the sidelights blanked out of existence, and he grabbed his throat, coughing and sputtering as warm, metallic rain entered his mouth. His bangs clung to his forehead, and his eyes watered with the rain, until a scream left his mouth, only to be muffled by the sight of yellow once more.

Kihyun gasped when he saw the umbrella above him, and Changkyun wrapped his arm around Kihyun’s shoulder, forcing him forward and out of the street as they made their way home. Kihyun didn’t know why, but he couldn’t stop crying, his mind slowly collapsing as the other dared to hold him up. The yellow umbrella stopped the rain from mixing with his emotions, and he felt a soft breeze in the air, the smell of lavender right next to him as the arm only tightened around him. Kihyun glanced over at Changkyun with teary eyes, and he could see the boy from earlier, the one on the floor, with fear flooding his eyes. But now they were sad once more, and Kihyun felt sad too, the tears flowing freely as he clasped his hands together, holding them close to his chest, as he allowed just this once Changkyun to lead him to safety.

But that was a lie. The other had done so multiple times now. A lie Kihyun so desperately wanted to believe, that he was just a stranger, a stranger in the world who happened to move in next door to him. Who took an interest in him right away, asking to let him save Kihyun. That all Kihyun knew was his name, not his bloody fists, not the glare he held, not the sad, heavy look in his eyes. This wasn’t the same boy as the one who had saved him a year before, this wasn’t the same boy that knew, knew already what Kihyun had been going through, and tried his hardest to make sure he was okay. Kihyun didn’t know this man. He meant nothing to him.

Kihyun blinked and he was suddenly home, Changkyun sitting in his living room chair as the door swung silently by his side, the walk a forgotten memory as others took over. Kihyun took a few shaky steps into his warm apartment before falling to the floor, and he gazed up at Changkyun, the other only staring at him as he folded his hands on his lap, his gaze heavy, and watching Kihyun’s every move. Kihyun had wide eyes as he sputtered to say anything, and Changkyun leaned forward, a small sigh leaving his lips as something flashed in his eyes, a hint of fear, and remembrance.

“I know,” Changkyun suddenly said, his voice deep as Kihyun’s eyes widened even more, his gaze stuck on the floor as he fell forward more, now on his hands and knees as he cried unblinkingly. “I know you know,” he continued, watching the broken, shattered boy who tried his best to not relive what happened in the past, to keep those memories as lies. To pretend he was loved.

“You… know nothing,” Kihyun spat, poison oozing from his words that followed with a sob.

“Kihyun-” Changkyun tried, but Kihyun whipped his head up, glaring at the boy as his vision was fuzzy due to tears.

“He loved me! He knew what was best for me, and he did it because he loved me!” Kihyun screamed, his chest heaving as the sobs ran through him. Changkyun stood up from his seat as he took steps toward Kihyun, and Kihyun fell backwards, shaking his head as he hysterically cried, trying to get away from Changkyun, from the truth.

“Kihyun,” Changkyun tried again, his voice softer as he came up to the boy who was now pushed against the wall, scratching at the paint as he wished nothing more to get away. “That wasn’t love,” Changkyun said even softer, slowly squatting down as he watched the boy panic, reaching forward and cupping his face, not even removing his hand when Kihyun tried to scratch that as well. “If he loved you, he would have never hurt you like that,” Changkyun continued, his voice even deeper as a small amount of disdain showed through. Kihyun sobbed as he felt himself tire out, and he let his hands fall to his side, his body trembling, and his head held up slightly by the boy in front of him, his thumb tracing small lines into his skin as he felt the tears hit his finger.

“Then why did he do it?” the broken boy asked, and Changkyun’s hard gaze softened, sadness still seeping through it, as well as forgiveness and trust.

“He was a monster. A bad person,” Changkyun said, moving in closer as he let his other palm support him on the wall next to Kihyun, leaning over the boy as Kihyun turned smaller beneath him. “You never deserved any of that,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun looked up, shaking his head as he blinked away the tears.

“I deserved it all. I was faulty for loving him,” Kihyun said, reaching up his own hands as he cupped Changkyun’s face as well. “I don’t deserve you to be here too. My angel,” Kihyun said, and Changkyun’s eyes flashed with anger, feeling the delicate small fingers on his cheeks as he watched the boy break down even further underneath him.

“There are no angels, Kihyun. Only good and bad people. And he was a bad person,” Changkyun continued, closing his eyes as he let out a deep, shuddering sigh.

“I must be a bad person too,” Kihyun said, and Changkyun only grew angrier, his body trembling as he heard the deprecating words slither through his ears like snakes.

“No. You’re just tired. Broken,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun let out a small sob, closing his own eyes as Changkyun leaned in to rest his forehead against Kihyun’s own. 

“Will you save me?” Kihyun softly whispered, his fingers dancing along Changkyun’s cheeks as the other tried to stay brave for the other. “Will you stop them from hurting me?” Kihyun asked as his breathing slowed, and Changkyun nodded, moving in to wrap the other into a tight embrace as he held him close to his chest.

“I did it once, and I will do it again. I’d do anything for you,” Changkyun said, and he felt Kihyun let out one more soft sob, falling asleep in Changkyun’s arms as the other held him while trembling, trying to rein in his own hate for humanity, hate for the people that had hurt Kihyun. Kihyun tried to fix his own problems with hate as well, but Changkyun had spent his time trying to break it down, knowing the true boy that laid underneath, the sad, scared 17 year old child. He hadn’t been able to live since he had become an adult, and he was stuck, stuck inside memories of pain and abuse, memories that started when he had turned 17.

Changkyun lifted the boy up off the ground, holding him in his arms as he brought him into his bedroom. He laid him on the bed before tucking him in, and he gazed over his tear stained cheeks, his own heart aching to see the boy happy again someday. Kihyun never truly knew what happiness was, and he would make sure he would help him find it, whether he was by his side, or watching him from a distance.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun slowly blinked awake, his hands clutching at the sheets as he stared towards the ceiling. He felt empty inside, the shell of a man who had lied to himself to save himself from the pain. But he felt the ache in his chest, the fire within him, and he let out a sigh, turning in the sheets before bringing the blanket closer to his face. Kihyun pulled his legs up closer to his chest as he laid in a ball, protecting himself from those outside wanting to hurt him. He had been hurt enough. And now he was ugly, with scars that would never fade, tainted for all of his friends and family to see.

It had happened over a year ago, the start of Kihyun’s nightmares. Kihyun had gone out with his previous lover, the other telling him about a new restaurant he wanted to try, asking Kihyun to be good, to be pleasant. He had gotten Kihyun drunk on expensive wine, the boy thinking that money had meant how much he loved him, and then he took him out back past a few alleys, showing him off to a few friends, a pet that he had groomed. They held him to the wall as they touched him, and Kihyun had felt sick, the wine stopping him from protesting. His lover had told him that he should do it if he truly loved him, and Kihyun was forced to submit, his brain clouded with false truths and a few nice words.

Kihyun had been raped. His previous lover and his friends all made an example out of Kihyun, and he thought his own tears were ones of happiness, that he was so happy that he had been able to do the right thing. But then fists were flown, and the men fell to the ground, one man standing as he gazed at Kihyun with those sad, heavy eyes that put fear inside Kihyun. Fear that it had all been a lie, and that what he truly felt was abused, disgusted, and humiliated. Changkyun had saved him that day, running away with him before bringing him to his own place, Kihyun silent as Changkyun washed him, never once touching him more than he needed to help. Kihyun had kept his head down the whole time, but he could feel the gaze, the gaze begging him to realize that he was not okay.

It had been raining that day, warm, sticky rain that clung to his torn clothes and burned his skin. Kihyun had been forced in the rain, in the thunder and lightning miles away, but he had been saved. He had been saved, until he ran away from that too, too scared, too unknowing, only hoping that it had been a dream. That if he returned then, his previous lover would forgive him and would still love him. He had been beaten by the fists of a mad man when he returned home, but he knew that was his punishment, his tears once again of happiness as he let his love beat him down further. Kihyun beared the scars on his heart and his body afterwards, but he used his lover to hide them, staying with him until the very end, when he discarded Kihyun like the trash he truly was.

Kihyun heard a sound come from next door, a reminder that he was home, and he was safe. That the man he had tried to push his pent up hatred on was next door, trying his hardest to save him once again. Kihyun wondered how someone could spend the energy on someone as disgusting as Kihyun, but when he heard the knock on his wall he smiled, the tears breaking past and spilling from his eyes. He had known who he was all along, but his mind told him to forget, that pushing him away would push past the memories. Kihyun only knew now that the past had been wrong, that the touches and the fists were not love, only ownership and abuse. Kihyun had been broken, but by forgetting him he pretended to be okay. He wasn’t okay.

Kihyun knew about Changkyun for a while now, having spotted him a few times in the city. He knew he chose the room next door on purpose, but Kihyun wasn’t angry anymore, only relieved and tired. There was someone who truly cared, who would look out for him, and save him from those hands and fists. Changkyun had problems of his own, Kihyun was sure about this, but he still fought to help Kihyun, and for that, Kihyun owned him everything. But all he had given him was nothing but angry glares and spiteful words, hurting the boy day after day, his tears only confusing him when his heart begged him to stay by Changkyun’s side, that he was a good person. 

Kihyun slowly climbed out of bed, knowing that if he wanted to act normal, he would need to get dressed, would need to smile at people, laugh, work, eat. Kihyun didn’t feel normal, only a scarred body that held negative emotions and memories. Kihyun was glad that they were hidden away inside him. He never wanted his friends to find out what he had been through, what he had lied about this whole time. He was trash, and his friends would only come to realize that themselves when they opened him up, and got a glimpse at the maggots and mold that was inside of him.

Another knock on the wall and Kihyun was standing, heading to the bathroom to clean up. He was quick at it, not wasting his time on trying to fix what was already broken, and soon he was in his living room, sitting on his couch as he stared out the window, the rain steadily falling as the tears still dripped from his own eyes. Kihyun was like a clock of his own, turning back to repeat itself as Kihyun watched the rain fall, a movie of the alley inside of it as it all came back to him. Kihyun watched the rain until a flash brightened up his house, and not a moment later there was a knock on the door, Changkyun walking in with a plate in his hands, and a sad smile on his face.

“I brought you breakfast,” Changkyun said, stepping further into the apartment before setting the dish on the coffee table. Kihyun glanced at it before looking up at the boy, and Changkyun stared at him, his sad gaze falling down Kihyun’s cheeks before moving to his eyes once more. “You’re crying again…” Changkyun whispered, and Kihyun shakily reached his hand up, his fingers touching the salty water on his cheeks before looking towards Changkyun again.

“It won’t stop,” Kihyun said, and he gazed out the window, the rain still falling in pattern with his own tears. Changkyun sighed before he moved to the couch, and he sat down, keeping some distance between the two before looking out the window as well.

“The forecast says it is going to keep raining for at least the next few days,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun slowly nodded, glancing at the food before reaching towards it. Kihyun slowly ate as Changkyun watched him, and the two sat quietly, Kihyun still crying even as he tried to pretend that things were alright. “Do you have work today?” Changkyun asked, and Kihyun paused, furrowing his eyebrows as he tried to push past his thoughts and remember what things needed to happen outside of his home to be normal.

“Yeah, at five,” Kihyun said, and Changkyun nodded, watching the other finish his meal before setting it back onto the table. Silence surrounded the two once more, until Kihyun suddenly reached up, wiping away his tears before glancing towards Changkyun, his eyes locking on with the sad, heavy gaze. “Why did you come here?” Kihyun softly asked, and Changkyun sighed, leaning back in his seat before tilting his head towards Kihyun instead.

“It’s a long story, but mainly for work. I was already looking at rooms here before I found you one day, and when I saw that next door was empty, I decided to live in that one. I didn’t follow you, but I’m glad things could work out this way,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun slowly nodded, never believing for once that Changkyun was stalking him or anything. “You’re interesting, Kihyun. I don’t know why, but after seeing you for the first time, I couldn’t get you out of my mind,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun glanced out the window, blinking slowly before parting his lips. His chest felt tight all of the sudden, but he knew it would be okay, that the person next to him only wanted to help, never hurt.

“I wish I could be something for you. I wish I could tell you why you sought after me. I don’t even know who I am,” Kihyun said, and Changkyun slowly moved closer, the shuffling filling the dull silence as Kihyun felt the heavy stare on the side of his face.

“Do you want to figure that out, together?” Changkyun softly asked, his hand moving up before dancing on the top of Kihyun’s hair, playing with his locks as Kihyun felt a swell of emotions in his chest.

Kihyun grew up in an orphanage, and at the first chance he let someone older take life over for him, their maturity and promises exciting Kihyun until all he could do was follow and listen. Kihyun never had a day in his life where he could think for himself, always careful of who he breathed around, or who he breathed for. Kihyun never was allowed to explore what type of person he was deep down inside of him, but he knew he had the chance to now. That someone would make sure he had the time to do so, that he had the freedom he had always lacked. Changkyun broke away the shackles on his wrists, and now Kihyun could move freely, think freely, and breathe freely.

“Yes…” Kihyun whispered, and Changkyun smiled, pulling his hand away before relaxing against the couch once more.

“I think the first thing we should do is get more groceries for this apartment. There’s literally only ice cream in your freezer, and that’s not going to last you much longer,” Changkyun joked, and he let out a light chuckle, Kihyun’s heart swelling at the sound of it, wishing he could feel the same and laugh like that with the other too.

“Okay,” Kihyun said, and he stood up, glancing out the window before towards his door, noticing the yellow umbrella sitting in his small holder next to the door. Kihyun felt his lips twitch when he saw the yellow, and he walked towards it, picking it up out of its holder before turning towards Changkyun. “You brought it back…” Kihyun said, and Changkyun nodded, taking steps towards Kihyun before giving him a small smirk.

“Since you seemed to like it so much, I couldn’t keep it away from you any longer,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun nodded, holding it up before turning it around in his hand.

“I like the color yellow,” Kihyun said, and Changkyun hummed, glancing at the boy and smiling from the small hint of light in his own eyes.

“Oh?” Changkyun asked, and Kihyun nodded, holding it up higher before smiling at Changkyun.

“I don’t remember my parents, but I remember some of the house we lived in. My room was painted with yellow walls, and I had a window that was perfect to watch the sunset out of. It was the most peaceful thing…” Kihyun said, and Changkyun nodded, his eyes sad even as he watched the boy smile before him.

“The sun will come out again, I promise,” Changkyun said, and he opened the door for the two, walking out into the hallway before reaching out his hand towards the other to take. “You just need to make it through the next few days,” Chankgyun added, and Kihyun took a deep breath, nodding his head, before walking out the door and taking Changkyun’s hand into his own.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Secrets

Kihyun knew he had left the house today. He knew he had left with Changkyun, but he didn’t know where he was now, fear building up like the walls around his soul, too high to climb out from himself. He felt like he was floating on a rain cloud, the rain falling beneath him, and the cloud slowly growing smaller, Kihyun scared he would fall as every second ticked by. He didn’t know where he was. He didn’t know why he was feeling this way. All he knew was the darkness around him, and the heavy gaze on him, a hand suddenly sliding into his own, a breath of fresh air.

Kihyun blinked, turning his head toward the boy next to him, a sad smile on his face as he stared back. Kihyun glanced at their hands before letting out a sigh, and he turned to face the window, the streets passing back as a world of grey surrounded them, the streets starting to flood as Kihyun felt himself drowning inside. He was on a bus, Changkyun beside him, and he wondered where the two were going, sure that there had been a plan before stepping onto the large metal vehicle. Kihyun felt dizzy, but he knew that he trusted Changkyun, the other only ever taking strides to help and save him, never hurting him, like the others had.

The bus came to a stop, and Kihyun could see his yellow umbrella lift from his view, Changkyun holding it up as he began to stand. Kihyun slowly blinked as he came to the conclusion it was time for him to go soon, and he nodded to himself, deciding to take it one moment at a time, to live in the now, not in the future or the past. “Easier said than done…” Kihyun thought.

“Kihyun?” Changkyun asked, staring down at the other as he stayed in his own seat. Kihyun shook his head as he realized he was drifting again, and he glanced around the bus, noticing that it was now empty, and Changkyun was staring at him expectantly. Kihyun gave the other a small bashful smile before standing, and Changkyun tightened his hand around his own, leading him out of the bus and bowing at the driver. Kihyun looked up at the sky the moment they left, but after only a glimpse at the clouds, yellow surrounded them, Kihyun letting out a small sigh as he felt his head clear just a small amount.

“Where are we going?” Kihyun asked, the sound of the rain and their feet hitting the puddles on the cement below pulsing in his head. Kihyun glanced up at Changkyun, and Changkyun looked back, his gaze as sad as the day he had saved him.

“To get some food for your apartment, remember?” Changkyun said, and Kihyun’s lips parted, nodding his head as he did start to slowly realize that was something they talked about. Kihyun glanced up at the yellow again as they walked, and Changkyun led him further, the streets empty, and darkness lurking in the corners.

A bell rang, and Kihyun was suddenly inside a market, the point between which he got off the bus and entered the building a blank in his mind. He remembered the hand on his own, and the yellow umbrella, but now he was here, and the lights were bright, almost blinding. Kihyun blinked as he moved his arm up to shield his eyes, and Changkyun closed the umbrella, glancing over at Kihyun before handing it to him. “Maybe you should hold onto this. It seems to help,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun gently took it into his hands, the weight grounding as he felt himself smile down at it. Changkyun moved forward, taking Kihyun with him, and he found a cart for the two of them, assigning Kihyun the position of driver as the two set off shopping. Changkyun asked Kihyun about all the different things he enjoyed eating, and Kihyun tried to keep up, his hands clenching on the cart handle bars as he felt his legs weaken beneath him. He felt himself growing tired, and he felt like Changkyung was farther away than before, his eyes shifting into a tunnel vision as the isles spread out far in front of him.

Kihyun didn’t know where this panic was coming from, but he glanced around, the shelves and the items all stretched and thinned, his chest spiking in pain, and his lungs on fire. Kihyun couldn’t breathe. He gasped as he let go of the cart and clutched his throat, and the cart slipped from under him, the boy falling to the ground as he sputtered and coughed. Kihyun felt the pain only increase, and he started to kick his legs, hitting the shelves next to him as items fell onto the floor, heavy ones landing on his legs and bruising his skin. Kihyun closed his eyes as the tears built up, and he could see him again, taking him shopping, having him stay behind him and keep his head low as he decided what was best for the two of them. Everything reminded Kihyun of him, and nothing felt safe anymore, the only place he refused to ever visit was Kihyun’s own apartment.

Kihyun felt his body run cold as he started to fade out of existence, the feeling of nothing below or above him, just pressure, pushing into him and breaking his body, his soul, his mind. Kihyun gasped as the pressure swelled into his lungs, crushing them as he let out a loud sob. Shivers racked through his body, and he felt nauseous, wishing he could just go home, to live in hell the most comfortable way he could, to die in peace. But then he felt the arms wrap around him, and the warmth consume him, squeezing the pressure out of his lungs, away from his body. Kihyun gasped as he opened his eyes, and he saw yellow, his eyes burning as the tears pooled out, his heart aching to reach out and become one with the yellow itself.

“Breathe, Kihyun,” a low voice suddenly said, and Kihyun gasped harder, his throat hurting the more he tried to breathe. The arms tightened around him, and Kihyun grabbed onto them, a loud sob leaving his lips as he pushed himself more into the person now behind him. Kihyun rested his head on the firm chest, and he could hear a heartbeat, the sound so alive and comforting. He could hear it and the steady rhythm it was beating, and he felt his own try to match up with it, his racing heart calming down as his lungs slowly inflated. Kihyun took in a deep breath before melting completely, and he relaxed, his body exhausted from its fight against itself, and his chest in more pain than ever from his struggle to breathe.

“Do you want to go home?” Changkyun asked, and Kihyun looked up at him, blinking away the tears as he stared at the boy and his sad eyes. He was sitting behind Kihyun, his arms wrapped around his waist and he held him between his legs on the floor, the yellow umbrella open and covering them from anybody trying to bear witness to their small scene. Boxes and cartons were spread across the floor near Kihyun’s feet, and he felt the pain there too, one heavy enough digging into him as it cut his skin open. Kihyun saw the boy behind him, and the golden glow on his face, and he felt comfort like no other, one that he never realized how badly he needed before in his lifetime.

“Y-Yes,” Kihyun stuttered, Changkyun nodding as he slowly made to stand, helping Kihyun on his feet before handing him the umbrella. Changkyun fixed the boxes on the floor as Kihyun covered himself with the open yellow umbrella, and together the two left, entering the rain once more, riding on the bus, and walking to his apartment, the door creaking as it slowly opened to reveal his place of safety.

Changkyun moved Kihyun over to the couch, sitting the boy down as he stared out the window, at the rain falling from the sky. Changkyun felt at a loss, the boy too far gone into his mind to leave again, and he needed to do something to pull him out fast, Changkyun heavily staring at the boy as he started to cry again. Kihyun felt helpless the longer he was forced to sit and wait, but suddenly Changkyun was by his side, giving him a blanket, and laying him down onto the couch. “I’m going to call Minhyuk, we’re both going to be here for you. Just take a nap, and when you wake up, he’ll be here,” Changkyun said, and Kihyun felt relieved, a sigh leaving his lips as he nodded up at the other. He missed Minhyuk, and he was a good distraction, his best friend always able to pull out small snippets of happiness from Kihyun even when he was feeling low. Kihyun drifted off to sleep while he waited, and when he woke up, his eyes puffy from crying, and his hair a mess from sleep, Minhyuk was sitting on the ground in front of the couch, sipping on some tea as Changkyun and him watched a movie on Kihyun’s TV.

Kihyun sat up slowly, and Minhyuk turned around, smiling at the boy before thrusting a bowl of popcorn into his face. “It’s fresh, we just made it,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun eyed the bowl, slowly taking it into his hands before sitting up fully. Minhyuk hopped onto the couch and sat near the end of his feet, resting his hand on his calf as he looked towards the movie once more. Kihyun felt confusion swirl around him as he glanced at the popcorn before the movie, and the sense of normality hit him like a train, rushing back into him as he blinked a few times to clear his vision. 

“What movie is this?” Kihyun felt himself ask, his thoughts lagging behind his words as they were spoken. It felt like he was swimming through a pool of rain, the water swaying and pulling him along with it. He just felt too tired to try to swim out of it.

“I don’t actually know. We just put it on to take up some of our time, but honestly the plot lines shit, and the acting is also… well, shit,” Minhyuk said, chuckling after his sentence. Kihyun glanced at him and saw his smiling face, and his own tried to recreate it, the corners of his lips lifting, trying their best to become normal.

“How was your nap?” Changkyun suddenly asked, and Kihyun felt relief swoop through him when he remembered the other was still there, still watching over him, still trying to keep him safe.

“I feel more tired everytime I wake up lately,” Kihyun said, looking back at Changkyun and his saddened eyes, the boy nodding as he carefully watched over Kihyun.

“Maybe you just need to wake up,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun frowned, wondering what his friend meant as he glanced over at him once again. “You’re not stuck in a dream, Kihyun. This is your life. Do everything that makes you happy,” Minhyuk said, looking towards the movie and away from Kihyun. Kihyun only frowned harder at the words, wondering what his friend had meant, and he sighed, leaning further back into the couch as he pulled the blanket up towards his chin.

“Maybe…” Kihyun softly said, and he turned his head, eyeing the movie and watching as the scenes blurred by, colors fading past his eyes until a phone suddenly wrang, and a boy stood up, walking out of the room, and leaving Kihyun with a pain in his chest once more.

“So… Changkyun?” Minhyuk suddenly said, turning towards Kihyun while eyeing him with a smirk. Kihyun furrowed his eyebrows at his friend before shaking his head, and he turned back to the movie, watching the colors blur by once more as nothing made a clear picture in his head. “You said you hated him,” Minhyuk said, climbing onto top of Kihyun and closer to him, Kihyun letting out a loud sigh as he gave in and faced his friend. “What changed?” Minhyuk asked. Kihyun watched as his friend's smirk fell the longer Kihyun blankly stared at him, and instead he looked worried, his hand gripping onto his thigh tightly as his own eyebrows furrowed. “Kihyun, are you alright?” Minhyuk asked, but before he could push any farther, Changkyun entered the room once more, smiling at the two as he sat down into his seat. Kihyun felt like he was able to submerge the rainy sea he was drowning in, and he took a deep breath, glancing at Changkyun before back at his friend.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Kihyun said, and Minhyuk studied him, wearily glancing between the two of the boys before backing down from their conversation.

“Okay… just tell me if anything is bothering you,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun smiled at him, nodding his head as he tensely observed his friend. Minhyuk was so nice, too nice. He only ever cared about Kihyun, but Kihyun couldn’t even let him in, building up his walls, too high for either one to climb over. They were stuck shouting to each other in desperation from both sides, but Minhyuk was different from Kihyun, and he never gave up. He came back to that wall day by day and tried to scale it, no matter how hard it was, whether it was raining, or if Kihyun blocked him out. He still came back.

Kihyun knew what it felt like coming back to a person day after day, hoping that they could break down their walls, feel their love like they tried to show them. Kihyun knew what he had was different than him and Minhyuk, but the idea of coming back was the same, never giving up, until one of them would let their hammers drop and they would walk away. Kihyun’s hammer had been grabbed out of his hands and thrown into a teary ocean, and he would never be able to find it again, only swimming, drowning in the memories that had been left behind. Kihyun could suddenly taste the rain in his mouth, hear the thunder in his ears, feel the hands on his skin. He could see their faces twisting before his own, morphing into demons that held him down and forced themselves onto him. He could see it all, and he felt himself break down further, the hands of his friend on him only aiming to scare him further as he was stuck inside his nightmare induced daydream.

Kihyun gasped as he pushed his friend away from him, Minhyuk falling backwards as his hands slipped off of Kihyun. Kihyun pulled his legs into his chest as he trembled, and the tears fell, Minhyuk horrified as he watched the broken boy sob in front of him. Minhyuk never knew what was wrong, but he had tried so many times to figure out, moments like these becoming more common between the two. Changkyun watched the boy pull back with his sad eyes, and he stood up, making his way over to the two before kneeling in front of Kihyun, never touching him, the boy still stuck in the past.

“Hey, Kihyun,” Changkyun softly said, his voice slicing through the visions like a sharp knife, cutting into Kihyun, reopening his scars as bringing out his fears. “You’re okay, you’re at home with friends,” Changkyun continued, his voice low and terrifying. But while it reopened the scars of his past, it also brought light into the room, warmth filling his chest just from the sound alone. Kihyun was scared, scared of the boy in front of him for reminding him everything that had happened, and he was scared of himself, pushing away his friend until one day they wouldn’t return. But he knew that he was wrong, that he was the most safe with them. That nobody would hurt him when they were close by, that he could let go and rely on them, even if it hurt.

Kihyun took a deep breath as the memories were pushed back once more, and he slowly lifted his head, blinking a few times as the worried faces came into view. Kihyun let out a shaky breath as he let go of his legs, and they fell down, touching Minhyuk once more as the boy glanced down at them. The three stayed quiet, and Kihyun felt himself choke up, his body trembling once more as he pushed off the couch and reached towards his best friend.

“I-I’m sorry,” Kihyun sobbed, pulling his friend into a tight hug as the other stayed shocked in his arms. “I didn’t mean to push you away…” Kihyun softly said, the tears falling and wetting Minhyuk’s neck as Kihyun pushed his head into it. Minhyuk slowly wrapped his own arms around Kihyun before letting out a shaky sigh, and he nodded, holding Kihyun, scared to ever let him go.

“Even if you tried I’d never leave. I’ll never let you go, Kihyun,” Minhyuk said, and Kihyun climbed even closer to him, feeling touch starved, the hands burning through his clothes as they held him closely. Kihyun was afraid of people, and he had avoided any touches besides ones from him the past year. But Kihyun knew that Minhyuk and Changkyun were safe. And as much as it hurt, he needed them to hold him, to love him, to show him that things could be alright.

Changkyun pulled himself onto the couch too before reaching forward, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down Kihyun’s backside as Minhyuk continued to hold him. Kihyun felt relief rush into him, and back went the memories, deeper and deeper until he couldn’t see or feel them at all, only the love of the people with him, holding him, touching him. Kihyun felt more normal now than he had in the past days, and he smiled to himself, a small chuckle leaving his lips as the hand paused on his backside. Minhyuk slowly let go of the boy before glancing down at him worriedly, and Kihyun shook his head, smiling at his friend as he pulled back himself.

“I’m okay,” Kihyun said, and he felt the smile widen on his face, feeling silly for the sudden shift in attitude. Minhyuk slowly nodded his head before glancing over at Changkyun, but the other only smirked, sitting back in his seat and placing his arm over the cushions as he shrugged.

“Then let’s see if we can finish this movie before you have to leave for work,” Changkyun suggested, and Kihyun turned to him, smiling and nodding before cuddling close to Minhyuk once more, the boy surprised, but holding him tightly as Kihyun felt better about himself than he had for a while.

~~~~~~~~

“They hacked into our system yesterday,” Wonho said, showing him the reports as Kihyun folded one leg over the other, sitting up in his chair as he glanced at Wonho. Kihyun took the papers into his hands before reading them, and he let out a sigh, throwing the papers onto his desk before pinching between his eyebrows.

“There’s nothing we can do, that’s for the IT department. We can only try our best to not let the word spread about it,” Kihyun said, and Wonho nodded, falling into his own chair before staring at the papers on Kihyun’s desk. “Which company was it anyway?” Kihyun asked, and Wonho paused, furrowing his eyebrows as he thought.

“I think it was that jewelry department store a few streets down. They got hit pretty hard after the alarms were shut off,” Wonho said, and Kihyun sighed, nodding his head as he swung his chair back over to the computer in front of him.

“How much was their loss?” Kihyun asked, and Wonho motioned over to the papers, Kihyun picking them back up before reading the rest of the details. The robbery had been a few days ago, the day that Minhyuk and Changkyun both hung out at his house while watching a movie together. Kihyun’s mood had been on and off since then, but it was stable enough to go to work, Kihyun feigning ignorance to his problems as he used work to distract him. The store that was stolen from lost a profit of around 5.2 million, and they planned to sue, a new headache approaching for Kihyun and Wonho. This had been the first break in their system, and Kihyun felt a pit form in his stomach, worried for the future of their company and for himself.

“We’re going to have to work overtime for this one,” Wonho said, and Kihyun nodded, groaning as he threw the papers back onto his desk.

“If I get my hands on these thieves I’ll smack the teeth out of their mouths,” Kihyun said, his teeth gritted as he felt his blood boil. Wonho chuckled as he rolled his chair over to Kihyun, and he lightly patted his back, a smile on his face as he observed his angry friend.

“I wouldn’t fight with these guys, they’re smart, and supposedly there’s a lot of them. They’ll turn you into dust the moment you get in their way,” Wonho said, and Kihyun scoffed, pounding his fist onto the desk as he glared at the papers scattered there now too.

“Let them try, I can take them,” Kihyun said, and Wonho sighed, shaking his head as he pulled away from his friend. Kihyun knew he was being ridiculous, and that he would never be able to take on that many people. While his rage could make him unusually strong at times, he was weak for a man his age, his previous lover forcing him to stay as small and cute as he liked. Kihyun felt himself grow sick just thinking about it, and he thought that maybe he would look into working out soon, so he could feel empowered by himself in the future.

“Hey Kihyun…” Wonho suddenly said, avoiding his eyes as he stared towards his own computer. Kihyun let his sneer fall as he looked towards his friend, and Wonho looked suddenly worried, his eyebrows knitted as he let out a loud sigh. “Minhyuk told me a few things about the other day… told me to watch out for you during work,” Wonho said, and Kihyun felt the cracks in his wall start to break, water seeping through as he glanced out the window. It was still raining, and Kihyun still felt troubled, worried his mind would fully collapse at any moment.

“You don’t have to, I’m fine,” Kihyun choked out, turning away from the boy as his chest started to hurt, his hands aching to hold onto something grounding.

“Just… tell me if you aren’t then. We’re all worried about you,” Wonho said, and he glanced at the boy, taking in his fear stricken features, the look a contrast to how he usually acted. Kihyun gulped as he nodded his head, and he glanced at the clock, begging the hours to go by faster so he could go home and cry once more. Here he had to be normal, normal Kihyun who was either happy or angry. At home he could be however he wanted, to feel what he needed to feel. And Changkyun would be next door, ready to save him at the knock of his wall. 

Kihyun didn’t even realize when work was over, his fingers moving fast on his keyboard as he worked to distract himself, the pressure in the back of his head building up and threatening to break through. Kihyun wanted to go home, and when Wonho stood up, he jumped, grabbing his things and reaching for his yellow umbrella, barely saying goodbye to the other until he was outside in the rain again, and the glow of the yellow umbrella was against his skin. Kihyun took a deep breath as his legs shook, and he slowly made his way home, keeping his head down, scared to see the eyes of those judging him, eyeing at him and his body.

The rain dripped down the sides of his umbrella, landing in the puddles below him or on his pants, the consistent drip mesmerizing him slowly into a trance. He could feel his mind slowly slipping, and he felt fear, his legs moving as fast as they could, the boy now running, wishing more than anything to just make it home. Kihyun felt the water on the ground splash up at each of his heavy footsteps, and a low voice brought him to a sudden stop, his ears twitching and yearning to hear more of it. Kihyun stood in the middle of an empty sidewalk when he heard the voice again, and he let it lead him, guiding him down the path until he stopped once more, and the man came into view, leaning against the wall of a building as he talked to another man next to him.

Both were clad in black, and they were talking in hushed whispers, keeping their heads low as the rain beat down onto their black raincoats. Changkyun handed something over to the man next to him, and Kihyun got a glimpse at his bloody hand, his blood boiling the moment he saw an existence of pain on his angel. Kihyun stepped forward, and both boys looked up, Changkyun’s eyes widening at the sight of the yellow umbrella and the defeated boy, his arm shooting out and stopping as the man next to him tried to charge Kihyun almost instantly. Kihyun fell back at the act of aggression, and he felt the water soak into his pants, the umbrella falling to the side and onto the ground, allowing rain to soak him to the bones, all the while keeping his eyes locked onto the sad, heavy gaze. Changkyun gritted his teeth as he glared at Kihyun, before whipping his head to the man next to him, pushing him harshly back before getting in his face.

Kihyun watched in fear as fear was installed into the other, and the man ran off, leaving the two to soak in the rain, lies and secrets surrounding them as they stopped and stared at one another. Changkyun’s eyes carried more sadness than ever, and Kihyun pushed himself back, the yellow umbrella next to him filling with rain as time seemed to stop between the two. Changkyun stepped forward, and Kihyun felt his lips part in surprise, unknowing, and unsettled, as he watched the man he felt the most safe with hide even more secrets than Kihyun knew before.

Changkyun knelt in front of Kihyun, hanging his head as he hunched his shoulders, and Kihyun could see more blood now, dirtying the rain water as it fell on his clothes and on his skin. Kihyun felt his eyes focus on the blood as his skin heated, and he reached forward, taking Changkyun’s hand into his own, and getting onto shaky feet, his other hand reaching for his umbrella before pulling the man forward. Changkyun held him back as he stayed unmoving, and Kihyun felt frustration like no other, the tears building up again as he tugged harder, still to no use. Kihyun didn’t care about the secrets or the lies, he had been aware of them when he had chosen the other as his savior. He just needed the boy next to him, and he needed to heal him, to make sure he was okay. Because only when he was okay could Kihyun be too, and he let out a sob, tugging harshly on his arm as Changkyun only fell forward, his face smashing into the cement below, and blood mixing in with the puddles. The boy passed out as Kihyun let out a desperate scream, falling to the ground, and collecting the boy into his own arms before holding his worn body under the dark, rainy sky.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to pick up now

The hospital was always a difficult place for Kihyun to go to. When he was a child, he witnessed his parents' car accident, and the hospital afterwards, the nights on end where he prayed for them to return to him, to keep him safe. A week in the hospital and they had both died, minutes between each other, together in life, and in death. The only exception was leaving Kihyun behind, his tears painting the white walls around him as he was dragged away, forced. Kihyun remembers sitting in a white waiting room all by himself, the tears burning his cheeks, and his red eyes contrasting the room, the doctors and nurses all walking by without stopping to see the sad boy. Kihyun had been alone since the day his parents died, and he hated hospitals and the lonely feeling they portrayed.

Kihyun rested his head on Changkyun’s chest, sitting in a chair next to the boy as he leaned in, his hands gripping the sheets, and his ears listening for the boy’s heart beat. Kihyun closed his eyes as he tried to breathe in rhythm with it, and he let himself be comforted by it, the boy still alive, but still asleep. Kihyun had been told that the other had a deep wound on his shoulder, the blood loss substantial and a miracle he had been found in time. Kihyun brought him to the hospital, the place he hated most, only to save the person he loved the most. He could no longer see his life without this secretive boy by his side, and he pushed past his fears to save him, the white walls surrounding the two as Kihyun listened in on the other’s heart.

Kihyun pushed away any questions he had in his head, asking himself who the other truly was, or what would happen to hurt him like that. Kihyun didn’t care as long as he was safe, and questions could wait, until Kihyun was better, until he would find it in himself to be able to save the other. Kihyun knew the sadness in Changkyun’s eyes weren’t for him alone, but for the both of them, the boy letting out a deep sigh as he relaxed into the chest beneath him. Changkyun felt warm, his cheek heating up against the body, and it made Kihyun feel good, alive. The white walls showed no sign of rain, but Kihyun could still feel it sticking to him, his clothes still wet, and his umbrella forgotten on the streets.

Kihyun tried to consider if he was lucky, lucky to have found the boy at such a difficult time for him. Lucky to save him from death, but unlucky to have seen the suspicious, remembering the anger on Changkyun’s face when he first saw Kihyun. He had glared, and the sadness turned into fear, the same fear Kihyun had seen when he found the boy beaten on the floor of his apartment. Kihyun wondered if his luck was only situational, and now that he had helped the other, he would push Kihyun away, too scared to show him who he truly was deep down. Kihyun didn’t care. Changkyun could be a bad person, and he would still find something worth staying with inside of him. Kihyun just needed him next to him.

Kihyun felt Changkyun’s chest shakily raise before roughly falling, and his eyes opened, a hand coming up and suddenly resting on top of his hair. He could feel the heavy gaze on him once more, and his stomach twisted, relief and fear washing over him for what happened next. The “what if’s” plagued his mind, but Changkyun drew them out, gently combing his fingers through Kihyun’s hair, feeling the soft locks as they pushed between his fingers. Kihyun felt a new kind of comfort wash over him, like a wave of sunshine evaporating the rain from his skin, and it felt good. He felt good when Changkyun touched him, talked to him, looked at him. Changkyun was good for him.

Kihyun tilted his head until his chin was resting on the chest, his brown eyes gazing up and locking onto Changkyun’s own, sadness pooling out of them and into Kihyun. Kihyun wanted to ask why he was so sad, or who had done it, but he couldn’t, his lips locked tight as fear sealed over them. He didn’t want things to change between them, and so he lied, lied to himself and Changkyun for their own safety. And deep down he knew Changkyun would too, as he had been this whole time, until they were both ready to be set free.

“I hate hospitals,” Changkyun suddenly said, his eyes still peering deeply into Kihyun as the other blinked slowly, closing his eyes and letting out a deep, relaxed sigh. “We come here when we’re hurt. I don’t like the reminder that I’m in pain,” Changkyun continued, and Kihyun knew how he felt, only finding pain oozing in from the white walls, trying to force him out, trying to tear him apart from the inside once more.

“We should leave... “ Kihyun whispered as his eyes stayed closed, and Changkyun let out a deep hum, the noise vibrating through his body and into Kihyun’s own, the other still petting his hair as he watched the boy on top of him.

“Okay,” Changkyun said, and he slowly sat up, helping Kihyun up as well as the other let his eyes flutter open, gazing at Changkyun as their gazes locked once more. Kihyun moved to help Changkyun out of the bed next, and without any warning they left the hospital, Kihyun hailing a taxi for the two of them as he helped Changkyun into the seat. The rain was warmer than usual when they reached the outside, and Changkyun groaned, holding onto his shoulder as Kihyun gazed at his pained face, wishing he could do something to untwist it. The ride was short but the silence went on forever, until Changkyun was laying on the bed of his sofa, blood spotting in his bandages as he took off his shirt.

Kihyun stood above the boy as he took a better glance at his bare chest and stomach, his own dropping when he saw the scars on them. He felt his own hands reach for the bottom of his shirt and grip down onto it, and he held it still, feeling the scars on his own skin as he shook his head. Changkyun noticed it all, and he let out a small sigh, sitting up as much as he could before patting the spot next to him, Kihyun only blinking as he stared at the open seat. “Please sit with me,” Changkyun softly asked, and Kihyun blinked up at him instead, already nodding before he knew what he was doing, sitting down on the cushions, and feeling his leg touch Changkyun’s own, the boy now focusing on his shoulder as he slowly peeled the bandages away.

Changkyun was slow to remove his bandages, Kihyun feeling his own breath speed up the longer Changkyun took, time collapsing on itself until Kihyun only knew him and Changkyun, the rest of the world around them a dark void that threatened to swallow them whole. Kihyun reached his hand up and pulled off the bandage himself, and Changkyun sighed, leaning back into his seat while watching the boy, Kihyun’s face twisting when he recognized Changkyun’s pain as his own. The wound was stitched up, another scar to add to the collection, and it was red, blood drying on the sides as it continued to inflame. Kihyun glanced up and caught Changkyun’s gaze, and Changkyun frowned, his eyes sad as he observed the boy watching over him.

“It’s nothing,” Changkyun suddenly said, and Kihyun blinked, his eyebrows furrowing as the words surged through him. A wound this size was never nothing, even the most mature adult would be upset by something like this. But Kihyun was too scared to say otherwise, too scared his questions would push the other away, and so he nodded, biting his bottom lip as he pretended to believe the lies once more.

“Yeah…” Kihyun softly said, and a silence fell over them like a blanket, smothering out the light around them once more as Kihyun tried to think of something else to say, something else to do. Changkyun gulped harshly as he continued to silently watch the boy, and Kihyun stood up, gripping his shirt once more before avoiding the other’s eye contact. “I’ll go make us some tea,” Kihyun said, and he didn’t give time the leisure of answering, his footsteps filling the silence as he felt Changkyun’s gaze on his back. Kihyun only let his troubles show when he was away from the boy, and even then he was scared to let him hear, his teeth gritting and his hands clutching the edge of the counter, his body trembling as he saw the boy pass out on the ground once more. Kihyun felt the tears start up once more, and he loud out a silent sob, letting go of the counter with one hand and rubbing desperately at his eye, trying to hide the lies, trying to kill the secrets. Kihyun let his head hang as he rubbed his eyes raw, and he missed the shuffling around him, warmth embracing him as a pair of arms wrapped around his stomach, hands gently grabbing onto his wrist as they pulled his own hand away from his eyes.

“Kihyun,” Changkyun whispered, holding the boy upright as his legs gave in, his body trembling against Changkyun’s bare chest against his back. Kihyun lifted his free hand as he put it over his mouth, and he let out a muffled sob, trying to create the illusion that he was okay, that he truly believed the lies. “You need to talk to me,” Changkyun added, his face and lips near Kihyun’s ear as he spoke. Kihyun shivered as the deep voice vibrated through his body, but he shook his head, another sob leaving his lips when he felt Changkyun pull him closer. “Why are you hiding from me?” Changkyun asked, and Kihyun let out a loud gasp, his hand falling to his side as he twisted his body, now facing Changkyun as they became face to face. Kihyun lifted his hands as he cupped Changkyun’s cheeks, and Changkyun continued to stare, sadness and worry etched in his features as his eyes burned through Kihyun’s soul.

“I-I feel it… I feel pain when I see you hurt,” Kihyun whispered, his eyes darting between Changkyun’s own as the other stayed quiet and stared. “Why do you let yourself get hurt?” Kihyun asked, his fingers digging more into Changkyun’s cheeks before he let go, grabbing onto Changkyun’s shoulders instead as he bent down, resting his head against the top of Changkyun’s upper chest. “I don’t want to feel so much pain anymore… I don’t want to see my angel dressed in red…” Kihyun whispered, tears wetting Changkyun’s skin as he looked over the boy, his eyes blurring as his hand gripped Kihyun’s shirt tighter, his other hand coming up to rest in his hair.

“Pain is just a part of my existence. It goes where I go,” Changkyun softly said, his hand combing through Kihyun’s hair as the other trembled harder. “I don’t know how to stop myself from being in pain, but I’ll try anything I can to stop you from feeling it too,” Changkyun said, slowly bringing his head down to stare at the boy, feeling his warm tears as bled from his eyes and gently rolled down his chest, the boy so small and fragile in his arms. Kihyun felt the words as they entered his ears and pooled out of his eyes as tears, the words only feeding into his despair and struggles the more the other talked. Kihyun knew that crying would solve nothing. He knew that as long as either stayed quiet about the lies and secrets, things would stay the way they were. And that decision was too hard on Kihyun, the weight on his shoulder almost painful as he let out another loud sob, Changkyun now supporting the boy to hold his weight and the burdens up.

Changkyun brought his hand down to cup Kihyun’s chin, pulling his head up before locking his gaze onto the teary boy’s eyes, the sadness dripping out from him and leaving stains on his cheeks. Kihyun’s heart felt it was being squeezed in a tight grip the moment he faced Changkyun fully again, and Chankgyun took a step forward, watching Kihyun was he walked the two back, Kihyun hitting the counter as his sobs quieted down, only silent tears now to follow. Changkyun moved to place his hands under Kihyun’s thighs, and he suddenly pulled up, lifting the boy and placing him on top of the counter, Kihyun’s hands moving to Chankgyun’s neck as the boy’s gaze fell down his cheeks, towards his lips, and to his ruffled clothes, taking in his whole appearance before letting out a deep sigh. Kihyun let out a small hiccup before Changkyun was suddenly reaching up, and he dragged his thumb across Kihyun’s cheek, drying the tears, hiding his sadness.

Kihyun’s hands fell only when Changkyun took a step back, walking around the kitchen and fixing tea for the both of them. He kept his eye on the other the entire time, and soon Chankgyun was back, two mugs in his hands, and steam rising from them, the smell of tea drifting into the air and relaxing Kihyun. Kihyun glanced at Changkyun’s shoulder once more, only to see how much more swollen it had become, and he bit his lip, clasping the mug of tea off of Changkyun’s hand and into his own, his legs dangling off the counter, and Changkyun close to him once more as they stayed quiet in his kitchen, drinking their tea, and blanketing their thoughts.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun stood outside the jewelry store, yellow tape surrounding the area and shattered glass laying in front of it. Kihyun fanned his face with the papers in his hands before wiping the sweat off his head, and he looked up, his eyes burning as he stared at the sun, the first day in a long time that the rain had stopped. Kihyun felt better than ever with the sun now shining on his skin, but he had forgotten how hot it could be, the midday sun scorching as it shined down on them. Kihyun was wearing a pair of black suit pants and a white button up shirt, a blue tie tied around his neck that felt more suffocating as the heat consumed him. He was checking out the damage of the jewelry place with Wonho today, as well as talking with the owner, trying to figure out what things were stolen, and how much money the company truly would lose from this.

Kihyun let out a sigh as a police man stepped forward, and he eyed both Kihyun and Wonho, motioning for them to cross the yellow line and step into the crime scene, the man just as sweaty as he and Wonho were. Wonho wore fitting business attire as well, and together they made their way out of the sun, and into the store, Kihyun letting out a deep breath when he felt the shade on his face once more, the sun having burnt his cheeks the smallest bit, adding a rosy look to his face. Kihyun glanced around at all the broken jewelry cases in the store, and then he set his eyes on a thin, tall man, low glasses hanging from his face, and wearing an annoyed expression, his arms tightly crossed as he glanced towards the two just entering.

“There’s only so many times I can see this disaster,” the man said, a small huff leaving his mouth as his lips turned pouty. Kihyun glanced up at Wonho before raising an eyebrow, and the other shrugged, leading the two further inside before offering a hand to the other man.

“Hello, this is Kihyun, and my name is Wonho. We’re here as representatives for our company, to talk about the property damage and stolen goods that happened after someone hacked into our security system,” Wonho said, and the man sneered, glancing down at the hand before raising his chin away from it, Wonho’s pleasant smile falling at the same time as his hand fell back to his side.

“It’s about time. You should’ve come the second you heard about your faulty security. I’ve already told all my friends about it,” the man said, and Kihyun felt his fists tighten by his side, his teeth clenching as he tried to hold his anger towards the man in. He was the victim. Kihyun knew what being the victim felt like.

“I’m sorry about the wait sir. If we could please see a detailed receipt of the loss as well as the prices of any stolen goods,” Kihyun pushed through, his eyes still glaring as the man caught them, suddenly amused by Kihyun’s poorly hidden anger.

“What’s this? Is the little puppy angry?” the man mocked, and he bent down, putting his face right in front of Kihyun as steam seemed to leave the shorter’s nose. “I’M the one who was stolen from. YOU’RE the ones who fucked ME over,” the man screamed, and Wonho pulled Kihyun back, placing him behind him before stepping forward, his face blank as he tried to stand as intimidatingly as he could.

“Sir, we only need the reports. I know we’re all busy right now, if we could hurry this along,” Wonho said, his words punctuated and hard hitting as the man stood back, still sneering as he tried to get a good look at the boy behind Wonho.

“Fine. But don’t let this little rat into my store ever again. He’s disgusting,” the man said, and he stomped away, heading into his back office as Kihyun felt the words shoot bullets through his heart. He had been called disgusting.

“Don’t listen to him,” Wonho suddenly said, turning around and grabbing onto Kihyun’s shoulder as he successfully shook him back to normal. “He’s just angry about everything. He probably thinks there’s no way he’ll be able to pick his business back up, but he’ll get even more money than he lost when all of this is done. He just feels helpless, and is hiding it through anger,” Wonho said, nodding as he gave Kihyun a small smile.

Helpless. Anger. Sadness. Kihyun knew what these felt like. He had acted the same way when everything was said and done, but he couldn’t wrap his head around why the man would do this to him now too. Kihyun was still drowning in his own despair, but this man was only making it worse, adding his own pain onto Kihyun by his mean words and name calling. Kihyun gulped as he thought about the man and his angry face, and he knew what it felt like, what it meant to hold anger inside like that for so long. He knew the man was upset, and still he felt it was unfair. Kihyun felt his stomach grow nauseous as the heat from outside seeped into the building, and he took a step away from Wonho, shaking his head as he avoided his gaze.

“I’m going to get some air,” Kihyun said, and Wonho looked worried, glancing at his already burnt cheeks before taking a step towards him once more.

“Are you sure? It’s too hot outside, it’ll make you sick,” Wonho said, but Kihyun turned around, staying silent as he waved the other off, hot air inflating his lungs, and the sun beating down on him once more.

The sight of the yellow sun felt cooler than the air, Kihyun letting out a deep sigh as he leaned against the building. The cops had all left after they gave another daily scout, and there was no one else outside with him, Wonho staying inside to look at the reports from the other man. Kihyun reached up and loosened his tie before letting his head fall back against the building, and he closed his eyes, seeing yellow and red behind his lids as he faced upwards towards the sun.

Kihyun felt as disgusting as the man had said, his skin crawling as he ached for nothing more than to tear it all off. The sun burning his face only felt like a start, and next he would beg it to burn off his eyes, plead it into making him never see himself again, to never see the rain again. Kihyun had been disgusting for a year, and no matter how many showers he took, the scars still showed, and the touches still lingered, reminding him day by day just how gross he truly was. Kihyun had been disgusting for a long time now, and only recently could he see it, going deep enough to rot his heart and his soul, his whole essence a putrid mess. Kihyun felt himself choke up the more he felt the sweat drip down his skin, until he felt dizzy, slowly falling down the wall and sitting on the ground, the desire to curl into a ball overpowering him as he pulled his legs into his chest and hid his face into his knees.

Then, he felt the eyes. Someone watching him from a distance, a new gaze, a new emotion behind them. Kihyun lifted his head only to see the eyes for a moment, and he felt his stomach twist once more, green piercing into him before disappearing. Kihyun gulped as he looked around, and he furrowed his eyebrows, realizing that he had been watched, and he was alone, his body trembling as he placed his hand on the ground to pick himself up. Kihyun stood on shaky feet as he felt the eyes again, and he whipped his head towards the feeling, fear slowly building up as his legs took him away from the side of the building, the gaze following him until he was inside the building again, his breathing labored, and his skin red and sweaty.

Wonho looked up when he entered, his small smile falling when he noticed the wide eyes, the flustered look. The man was back with papers in his hand, and he looked nervous as well, staring at Kihyun as he took in his disheveled state, the boy screaming fear through his posture alone. The two stopped their conversation short as Wonho ran up to Kihyun, and Kihyun saw his lips moving, no sound escaping as his heart beat pushed up and into his ears, deafening him as he panted. Kihyun grabbed the tie around his neck before harshly tugging it off, and he threw it to the floor, taking a shaky step back as the ceiling started to collapse in on him, his vision twisting, and his breath catching, a dull pain in his chest that pushed him onto his knees. Kihyun fell to the ground as he gasped, and Wonho ran, coming back to him and falling to the ground as well as he thrusted a bottle into his vision, the cool water a welcoming sight as he took it into his hands and drank.

Kihyun felt the coolness run through his body like the veins under his skin, and he blinked, Wonho patting his back as the boy tried to breathe through the attack. Voices started to slowly fade in, and he could hear Wonho again, whispering that it was alright, that it was just the heat, messing with him and his head. Kihyun supposed the heat could have gotten to him, forced visions of stalkers and fear, played with him in the same way he had been played with in the past. Kihyun gasped as he could breathe fully, and the water bottle in his hand fell to the ground, water pouring out of it, and wetting the cement floor the two boys were currently sitting on.

“I think we should end things for today,” the jewelry store owner said, lifting an eyebrow at the two boys as any concern left his face. Wonho looked up and frowned, but Kihyun nodded, pushing himself back up to stare at the ceiling, the slab no longer falling in on him and threatening to crush him to death.

“Let’s go,” Kihyun said, and Wonho looked nervous, gazing between the two before nodding, and he helped Kihyun to his feet, taking him out of the building, past the yellow tape, and into a taxi, the AC on and refreshing him all the more. Kihyun knew that it could have all just been the heat playing tricks on him, the sun still waving goodbye as he left for his own business building. Kihyun sighed as he reached up, and he let out a groan, realizing his tie was now gone, and that he had panicked like that in front of Wonho, who now only held concern on his face. Kihyun didn’t mean to worry his friend, and he let his head fall back and to the side, offering the other a small smile before balling his hands into fists on his thighs.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Wonho asked, and Kihyun shrugged, his lips hurting the longer he faked his own smile.

“Yeah… What did the reports show, by the way?” Kihyun asked, trying to change the subject off of him. He should’ve known Wonho would not be swayed that easily, for he answered, but his eyes told a different story, one that spoke of telling Minhyuk about his little episode for the other to check in on him again later.

“Pretty much what we already knew. The camera did catch some of their faces though, and he gave me a picture of them,” Wonho said, and he shuffled around, Kihyun closing his eyes as he waited to see the picture. Kihyun only opened his eyes again when the shuffling stopped, and when he did, all he saw was black and white, a picture of several men stealing from a small jewelry store a couple streets over from their own business. But one man stood out. A man who was staring right at the camera, a smirk on his lips, and a small knife in his hand. And the weird thing was, Kihyun could see the green in his eyes as they stared right back at him.


	7. Chapter 7

Kihyun wasn’t ignorant to the fact that he had bad luck. Things seemed to always go the wrong way when it knew Kihyun would be involved, and the cold metal bars around him helped him to realize this all the more. He couldn’t begin to comprehend why he was even here, and he felt like his skin was crawling, the metal bars slowly inching closer, threatening to squeeze him to death. Kihyun wondered if he truly was a bad person, the men watching over him telling him that he was, that his tears were fake, and that his backpack had been full for a reason. Kihyun wished he could have his yellow umbrella to surround him rather than the metal bars, and he felt the eyes on him, the bars pushing forward an inch as Kihyun pulled his legs up, holding them tightly to his chest as the bars behind him bit into his back.

One of the men across the room stood up from a desk, their boots hitting the floor and echoing off the walls of the room, pushing past the space in between the bars and into Kihyun’s ears. Kihyun kept his head down as he heard the other come closer, and a bang vibrated through the room, Kihyun’s body jumping from the sound before starting to tremble. Kihyun felt cold, and he could hear the rain pouring down on the roof as rumbles of thunder sounded through the air. He felt lonely too, his angel not by his side as he was forced to sit in solitary, two men watching over him, one so much closer than the other. Kihyun trembled harder when more thunder erupted, and he pulled himself into a tighter ball, feeling himself slowly disconnect from himself, wishing for anything to bring him back. To take him home.

“Stop doing that,” the man outside the bars suddenly said, his hand gripping onto the steel as he looked towards Kihyun. Kihyun could hear the words but didn’t register their meaning, his mind too far gone as it washed away with the rain and thunder. “The guilty always pretend to act weak. Just confess to us already,” the man spoke again, his words booming through the room as the other man farther away let out a deep sigh, eyeing his friend before the boy behind bars.

“Maybe he isn’t lying, maybe he really didn’t do it,” the other spoke who still sat at his desk, kicking his legs up and crossing them on top of his desk as he leaned back in his chair. The man closer to Kihyun scoffed, and Kihyun felt the eyes burn into him, his tears now flooding down his face and wetting his clothes all the more.

“They all say that, you know this!” the man screamed, and Kihyun jumped, raising his head just enough to let his teary eyes pierce the other, the man shocked by the sudden look as he took a step away from the bars. He grumbled something under his breath before walking back to his desk, and Kihyun let out a silent sob, the feeling of any safety leaving him the longer he was away from home, away from Changkyun.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun stepped out of his apartment, deciding to be brave, backpack strapped onto his back, and fear pushed far into the back of his mind. Changkyun was still resting, and Kihyun wanted to help the other out, the two of them both out of any food or snacks for the next few days. Without telling the other Kihyun decided to leave to go to a store on his own, and surprise his angel, to show him he was alright, to show him he could live for the other. As long as Changkyun was with him, Kihyun would find a way to do anything. Even if this meant pretending he was more okay than he really was.

Kihyun had been forced to use a different umbrella, his yellow one still lost as his black one took its place. The rain felt different today, fog raising in the air as the warm water hit the ground, and it choked Kihyun up, his eyes watering from the heat as he walked down the sidewalk to his destination. Kihyun was devoid of any thoughts in his head, and he kept a clear goal inside, pushing everything back, pushing the memories, the touches, the rain, everything. He only thought of the boy at home needing help, and when he heard the bell chime, he knew he had made it to the store successfully.

It was empty, and the lights seemed more blinding than usual, Kihyun shutting his wet umbrella before raising his hands to cover his eyes. The light burned through his skin, through his pores, and he walked around quickly, keeping his head down, picking up item after item until he didn’t know what he was buying, only the goal of the trip. Kihyun felt no better being inside than being in the rain, and he shivered, his eyes tearing up again the moment he saw another soul inside the store, stopping short and staring at him. Kihyun had run the opposite way when he had seen the new person, and then he continued shopping, his movements on autopilot as Changkyun rang through his mind.

Kihyun had been blinded by the lights so much that he had missed the slip of a hand, and when he went to cash out, his backpack was much heavier, the shopkeeper noticing it instantly as he demanded Kihyun to show him what he had inside. Kihyun had felt his mind split in half the moment he saw all the extra snacks hidden away inside of his backpack, and the metal cuffs only deepened the scars on his body when the two came to collect him, placing him behind bars, trying to get answers out of him. But Kihyun didn’t know. He didn’t know who had done it, or when it had been done, and he wondered if he really did, if he was too far gone during everything to actually commit an act like that. Kihyun wasn’t a thief, he knew this. He just had bad luck.

~~~~~~~~ 

“Can you just explain one more time what happened?” one of the men asked, now standing with his feet on the floor and his hands on the desk in front of him. Kihyun was shaken out of his recountace of the past few hours, and he blinked at the man, gulping harshly as he loosened his tight grip on his legs.

“I went shopping… and when I went to check out, there were things put into my backpack,” Kihyun softly said, letting his gaze fall to the floor as he stared blankly at the stained cement beneath him. He wondered where those spots had come from, and he turned his head a little to the side, slowly pulling different shapes out of them as the two other men watched his strange behavior in the cell he was kept in.

“Okay… was there anyone else in the store with you?” the man questioned again, and Kihyun let out a small hum, raising one of his hands as he gently rubbed his eyes as the tears continued to fall on their own.

“Yeah…” Kihyun whispered, and one of the men looked at the other, walking towards Kihyun before grabbing onto the bar, his face softening the longer he stared at the dissociating boy.

“Do you know where you are right now?” the man asked, and Kihyun froze, looking up slowly before turning his head side to side, taking in his surroundings, and slowly coming back to the place he was, fear building up in his chest as it shined brightly through his eyes. Kihyun wanted to go home more than ever, and the panic seeped through him, like the rain that washed over his clothes when he was being shoved inside a cop car earlier. Kihyun lifted his hand as he rubbed the side of his face, and he looked toward the man, his softened features confusing Kihyun as he let out a small sob.

“Y-Yes…” Kihyun quietly cried, and the man nodded, glancing back at his friend before staring at the boy again, his stare hot on Kihyun’s skin as he ached to rip it off, to tear up his clothes, to push the bars away from coming any closer to him.

“So you really didn’t steal those things?” the man asked again, and Kihyun desperately shook his head, the panic pushing forward once more as he let out a loud sob, surprising the two as he tightened into a ball once more.

“I-I don’t know!” Kihyun screamed, and the door to the room slammed open, a soaked boy panting as he let his eyes whip across the room, until they landed on the boy in the cell, Kihyun shivering the moment he felt the heavy, sad gaze on him.

If there was ever a moment Kihyun thought he was lucky, it was when Changkyun came to save him. Luck was always two sided, and while it landed on one side more for Kihyun, Changkyun always managed to flip it, Kihyun’s heart and head filling with warmth as it dried the wet on his skin. Kihyun glanced up when he felt his most beloved gaze on him, and he let his legs fall, standing up almost as quickly as he pushed himself to walk over to the bars, grabbing onto them and holding on for his life. Changkyun slowly stepped towards him as well, and he let his hands grasps around Kihyun’s own, the touch sending so much more comfort through Kihyun then he thought his body could handle, a relieved sob leaving his lips as Changkyun gazed into his eyes.

“Whenever I see you, you’re always crying,” Changkyun said, letting his gaze fall as he watched a tear roll down Kihyun’s face. “How did you end up here?” the other asked, and Kihyun leaned forward until his head hit the bars, another sob leaving his lips as he wished to feel Changkyun even more, his touches and words like a drug that Kihyun could never find the cure to. Kihyun needed this drug more than anything.

“He was caught stealing,” one of the men suddenly said, staring at Changkyun with wide eyes. The other man was also surprised, and they stayed still, watching the wet boy try to get as close to the trembling one as he could, Changkyun glancing at Kihyun once more before turning to glare at the other two.

“He wouldn’t steal,” Changkyun said, his words low as his sentence ended with Kihyun’s sob, his hands gripping the bars even tighter as Changkyun tried to push his fingers between his own, to take the pain instead of the bars, to let Kihyun show him how much despair he really felt.

“We don’t know this, we’ve never met him. All criminals cry to get out of punishment,” the first man from before spoke, his face falling as he curiously frowned towards Changkyun. Changkyun gritted his teeth as he raised a hand, and he placed it on the top of Kihyun’s head, combing it through his hair as his soft sobs filled the room, the two men starting to feel awkward as they listened to the boy cry through his panic and sadness.

“What’s the first thing you should have done then?” Changkyun asked, his voice more threatening and lower than before, the two men gulping as they only stared back. Kihyun reached his hand out and cupped Changkyun’s cheek, and Changkyun pushed into the touch, still staring at the others as they watched the two become more dependent on each other as the moments passed. “Check the cameras,” Changkyun gritted out, and their eyes went wide, each turning sheepish as they glanced at the floor.

“We uh… thought we could just get it out of him instead of going through that trouble,” the first man said, and Changkyun’s face turned even more dark, Kihyun feeling the light in the room dim, but the warmth from the boy in front of him only grew. He felt safe with Changkyun there, and he glanced up at him, watching as he glared at the two other men, his face stoic, but his heart seeping into Kihyun through his soft touches. The two men didn’t say anything as they got to work, and within moments camera footage was being sent over, the two racking through it as Changkyun turned towards Kihyun, giving him his attention, his touches, his love. The boy never took his hands off of Kihyun, and Kihyun wished the bars would just disappear, the barrier between them only growing more frustrating as Kihyun continued to cry, wishing he could go home, wishing he could be away from his fears.

He could still hear the rain above him, each drop reminding him of who he was and who he had been with, his face still trying to push through as Kihyun tried to replace it with another, the boy in front of him as desperate as Kihyun as he tried to hold onto him. Kihyun wondered how Changkyun knew he was here, but he pushed that thought away the moment it came, still too afraid to ask any questions that would push him away. His secrets meant safety, and if having secrets allowed him to run to Kihyun’s rescue, to save him, Kihyun would keep quiet.

A new rumble of lightning and the two at their desks glanced up, watching the two before glancing at each other. They had seen the truth, but they kept quiet, opening up the cell and gaining the boy's attention, Kihyun feeling like he could breath when he saw his escape from the bars. Changkyun pulled away as Kihyun took shaky steps out of the cell, but Changkyun was there to catch him once more, holding him close to his chest as he let out a relieved sigh, Kihyun’s arms finally able to wrap around the person he needed most. The fire inside of him was set ablaze again by the embrace, and he stopped trembling, his eyes drying up as he just stayed silent, holding Changkyun, feeling him, pushing his emotions through until Changkyun felt them too. Changkyun glanced up at the two boys before back at Kihyun, and they walked over, one of them rubbing the back of his neck as he awkwardly watched the two, a glint of knowing in his eyes as his friend came to stand next to him.

“We’re uh… we’re sorry. We rarely ever see anyone telling the truth, and we wish that we just looked earlier so none of your tears had to be shed like that. Someone placed those things into your bag, by the looks of it,” the man said, and Kihyun glanced up, his cheek resting on Changkyun’s chest as he glanced at the two.

“Why would they do that?” Kihyun softly asked, and the man let out a sigh, shaking his head before giving the boy a small shrug.

“I don’t know, maybe just as a prank. We’ll try to see if we can catch him in the next few days, but we can’t promise anything,” the man said, and he glanced at Changkyun, silent words seemingly spoken between the two as his eyes hardened, holding the boy even tighter to him as Kihyun listened to his heart beat in his chest.

“My name’s officer Jooheon, and this is my partner, officer Hyungwon. If you have any questions, just call the station and ask for our names. We’ll help out however we can,” officer Jooheon said, and Kihyun stayed silent, turning his head towards Changkyun again without answering. Changkyun glanced down at him before nodding at the two, and he pulled Kihyun out, the boy feeling the gazes on his backside as he left, the gazes hinting that he would see them again soon, the gazes of good people who had some bad luck.

~~~~~~~~

Kihyun heard the bed beneath him creak the moment he laid on it, the boy just having gotten home, showered, changed, and headed straight to bed. Changkyun was still in his apartment somewhere, the light from his kitchen on as he kept his bedroom door open enough to peer out of it, Kihyun pulling up the blanket on the bed until he could rest it on the top of his chin. He and Changkyun had come straight home after Changkyun had saved him from the imprisonment of the metal bars, and together they took a taxi, the rain hitting their faces as they waited together outside of the police station. When Kihyun had walked through the door of his apartment, he had taken notice of the yellow umbrella hidden away with his others in their holder, and he felt his chest compress, his thoughts carrying him until he was safely in bed.

He wondered how Changkyun had been able to find his umbrella, assuming that Changkyun was the only one who had known he had it, or that he cherished it so much. Kihyun figured he wouldn’t ask though, because the more secrets he pretended to not know, the closer he could keep his angel by his side. Kihyun grasped the blanket tighter in his fists before letting out a sigh, and he closed his eyes, his lips trembling as thunder sounded throughout his room. He imagined what his life would be like now without Changkyun, and he could see the pit behind his eyes, the blackness within it swallowing him whole until there was nothing left, until Kihyun's existence had been eliminated. But Changkyun had been able to catch him right before he could fall, and he pulled him out of it, leading him hand and hand back to the light, back to the path of normality. Kihyun wasn’t normal, nor was he close to becoming it yet. But Changkyun knew the way, and he would help him there, no matter how long it took.

The door to his room was slowly pushed open, the creak alerting him as his eyes fluttered open, landing on the boy, his heavy gaze and his bright eyes. It was dark, but Changkyun’s eyes lit up the room, coming closer to him before he stood right next to the bed, a sigh leaving his lips as he stared down at Kihyun. Kihyun felt his lips twitch as a small smile formed on them, and he let go of the blanket with one hand, reaching up with it and taking Changkyun’s hand into his own before letting silence was over them. Chankgyun’s hand was rough to the touch, but he was always soft with Kihyun, the contradiction weighing into Kihyun until his chest felt heavy, until he couldn’t stay silent anymore, wanting to be closer to the boy, to never leave his side.

“Will you lay with me?” Kihyun asked in a whisper, the bright eyes widening for a second before moving with his nod, the boy letting go of Kihyun’s hand only for a moment as he moved to take up the other side of his bed. Kihyun curled into Changkyun’s side the moment he felt the added weight next to him, and Changkyun wrapped his arm around his waist, holding him close as he stared at the boy against his chest.

“Do you feel safe?” Changkyun suddenly asked, and Kihyun looked up, concern itching through him as the ominous words slipped through his angel’s lips.

“When you’re here I do,” Kihyun said, and Changkyun slowly nodded, his bright eyes fogging as his thoughts pushed him away from Kihyun. Kihyun felt the fear enclose around his heart, and he gripped the front of Changkyun’s shirt, holding him close, silently pleading for him to stay with him. “I don’t care about anything else besides you,” Kihyun said, his words trembling as the fear started to trap his mind as well. Changkyun stared at the boy before letting out a small sigh, and he tightened his grip on him, a small relieved gasp leaving his lips when he felt how much closer Changkyun attempted to be to him. The fear pooled out of him, and instead a deep yearning was left, the feeling confusing Kihyun as something he had never truly felt before. Kihyun allowed the confusion to stay inside of him though, and he allowed himself to hold onto Changkyun, wishing to hear more from the boy, anything he was willing to give him at this moment.

“Kihyun… there are bad people in this world. You’ve already met some of the worst,” Changkyun said, his hot breath fanning across Kihyun’s face as he lifted it, his nose dancing along Changkyun’s cheek from how close they were. Kihyun wanted to see Changkyun as he listened, wanted to feel the burn against his skin from Changkyun’s heavy gaze, imprinting him, letting him know they had been as close as they were now. “You need to be careful from now on,” Changkyun said, and the words flowed through one ear and out the other, Kihyun missing the seriousness as he focused on how good it felt to be this close to Changkyun.

“Are you a bad person?” Kihyun suddenly heard himself ask, his gaze set on Changkyun’s lips, the words “danger” etched into them as it set his heart ablaze, all fear leaving him as heat replaced it.

“That’s not up to me to decide,” Changkyun slowly said, pushing in even closer as Kihyun shivered, his hand moving up and curling gently into Changkyun’s hair, his eyes not knowing whether to look up at Changkyun, or to stare at his tempting features.

“I don’t know you that well,” Kihyun whispered, and Changkyun nodded, Kihyun’s nose rubbing against Changkyun’s cheek as he nuzzled himself even closer. “Would you ever hurt me?” Kihyun asked, his eyes deciding to stop on Changkyun’s lips, and he saw them twitch, Changkyun’s own gaze making its way to Kihyun’s lips as well.

“Never,” Changkyun whispered, and Kihyun felt his eyes become lidded, his tongue darting out for a moment as he licked his lips, feeling the heat start to boil over inside of him. He had never felt this before, this yearning, this passion that he had for Changkyun. He wondered what it meant, and he wondered if Changkyun was his forbidden fruit, that once they took it past the point of no return, it would change Kihyun’s life forever, whether for good or bad. Kihyun would be willing for whatever it was as long as he could enjoy Changkyun as he was now. “I would never hurt you. I wouldn’t let anyone even lay a hand on you,” Changkyun said, his voice deeper and more threatening than before, the sound seducing Kihyun’s ears as he shivered from it, his hand gripping Changkyun’s hair a little tighter as he tilted his head towards Changkyun’s lips, feeling them glide across his own, barely there, but sending sparks down his body instantly.

“Then to me you’re not a bad person. You could do everything wrong, but in the end you’d always feel good for me,” Kihyun said, and he heard Changkyun let out a deep sigh, Kihyun’s other hand tracing down Changkyun’s chest to his stomach, playing with the end of his shirt as he dipped his fingers beneath it. He felt Changkyun’s stomach tighten from his touch, and he closed his eyes, leaning in all the way until he could gently peck Changkyun’s lips, the yearning inside of him like a string that pulled his lips to Changkyun’s own.

“I’ll be a good person for you,” Changkyun whispered, and he moved himself now, holding Kihyun in close as he kissed him, the kiss longer than before, but full of held back passion the two held for each other, Kihyun feeling light headed from the sparks and pleasure he felt from it. Changkyun pulled away all too soon, but Kihyun chased him, climbing on top of the boy until he was straddling him, the blanket falling down his back as he cupped Changkyun’s cheeks, dipping down once more to capture his lips once again. Kihyun was rough with Changkyun, but he pulled the small groans from his lips like he was addicted to them, kissing him dizzy until all he could do was hold onto Kihyun’s hips, his grip digging into his skin as the two fought for control.

Kihyun felt more alive then he had in a while, the kiss like nothing he had ever experienced, the genuine emotions flowing through it filling him up until all he could do was pour it back into Changkyun through their interlocked lips. He could see him in the back of his mind, but it was just as easy to push him away, his memories dissolving as Changkyun took over them, spit slowly smearing on the sides of their lips, Kihyun’s tongue pushing through as he tasted Changkyun, a long moan leaving his own lips at the feeling and taste of it all. Changkyun pushed his hand up Kihyun’s shirt and up his back, his fingers dancing across his bare skin, and Kihyun shivered, yearning even more to kiss him harder, to kiss him until they were both black and blue, until the pleasure turned to pain, and then the pain turned into pleasure.

Kihyun let out another loud moan until Changkyun suddenly flipped them, and Kihyun was on his back, his eyes wide as he stared up at Changkyun, panting roughly as his hair fanned across the pillow beneath him. Changkyun's sad gaze had turned fierce, like a primal instinct had taken over him, Kihyun the boy he wished to ravish. Kihyun let out a small groan at the look before turning his head to the side, and the sparks flew through him once more when he felt the soft lips on the side of his neck, kissing and tugging at the skin. Kihyun felt more bliss than he ever had with anyone else, and he felt like Changkyun was purifying him, taking away the dirt, replacing it with love and comfort. Kihyun knew Changkyun was good for him, and while he never knew he needed him this much in this way, it felt too good to stop, the two realizing more about themselves and what their relationship now meant the longer their lips stayed connected to one another in some way.

Good things always came to an end in Kihyun’s life, and when Changkyun pulled away, the fear of the end came back to Kihyun, his eyes widening as the tears filled him, staring up at the panting boy on top of him, his cheeks red and his lips swollen. But Changkyun had vowed to never hurt him, and when he took him into his arms again, the tears turned into ones of relief, the two holding onto one another as they laid side by side again. Changkyun watched over him until his tears dried, until the exhaustion fell over him like a blanket, until he fell asleep, and Chankgyun stayed with him even after that, letting darkness fall over him as well, even as they two stayed snuggled in each other's arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it was their first kiss, and you might be thinking, "hey, wasn't that like super rushed?" well, yeah.  
> Kihyun's feelings are a mess. He feels things more intensely than a normal person would, his own emotions having been pushed back and disregarded for so long. He had found something that feels genuine for once, even if we don't necessarily know if this relationship is healthy or not yet ourselves, but Kihyun just went for it, chasing that good feeling that he never had really experienced before. That scene was fast and intense, but they won't be like that in the future. Kihyun will calm down as normality on how normal relationships shines through, and it'll be soft and loving. But still full of secrets.


End file.
